I have always had a high bandwidth for work and for social commitments. A typical week for me is often overscheduled, and a peek at my calendar is something that would probably provoke anxiety for most people. For example, the first week of May was supposed to look like this: Friday night alumni event for my husband’s medical school, a 10:30am Saturday morning work event, a Saturday afternoon 2nd birthday party for my granddaughter, a Saturday night event for work, leaving Sunday for Seattle, then back on Wednesday for a two day-trip to Washington DC.
But, what actually happened that week?
I watched my granddaughter open her presents on Facetime, I attended two video conference meetings to replace my meetings in Seattle and Washington and I participated in video meetings and visited my team at the hospital.
I almost always have events on weekends, dinner meetings and travel, but now, I’m not sure when those types of activities will resume. I’m realizing that this significant change in schedule is not all bad for me, and I have been reflecting on the positives of this new pace. I have had dinner with my husband every night since March 12th. Despite having to work from home on the weekends during this time, I have not worn a suit or heels for almost 12 weeks. More time to connect with loved ones (even if it’s via video or phone), working in yoga pants, not wearing makeup; these are all things I could really get used to doing. I’m adjusting to this change in pace and realizing that I was truly overscheduled.
Although the work has been grueling and extremely stressful, and at one point I had not had a day off in six weeks, there has been something good about spending more time at home and less time running from Philadelphia, to Seattle to DC all in a week. I am wondering how I will adjust to the demands of my job when they shift back to my former schedule? Can I do a better job of controlling it? Will we all have new approaches to how we schedule our work? I hope so.
I know that many of you have also had time to think about your lives, schedules and routines during this unprecedented time. I’d love to hear from you about what you’ve learned and how you think your routines may change post-quarantine. I asked my 35-year-old daughter-in-law (a self-employed mother of a two-year-old) the same question, and HERE is her perspective on what staying home has taught her.
The COVID 19 pandemic is certainly giving us the opportunity to see how leaders perform during a time of crisis. It is also making us more aware than ever, the important role true leadership plays in supporting our society when uncertainty is the norm. We have all seen good and bad examples of leadership throughout the past month. If you are a leader, here are some of the guidelines that I am following to lead during this crisis that may also help inform your own leadership style:
Remain calm, continue to let your presence be known and reassure your team – your team will look to you to gauge their anxiety. Remember, during this difficult time team members will be hyper-focused on what you say and do.
Be clear, concise and consistent with your communications – Develop a small group to tap into to see if your messages are getting across. I sometimes believe I am being clear, but then hear that people are reading different intent into my messages.
Be decisive – during times of crisis, your teams are looking for a decisive leader. Have confidence in your decisions, but let them know that you will adjust as more data comes in that informs your decision making.
Be visible – how can you be visible during a time of physical distancing? Hold virtual meetings using a video function, check in more frequently with people and if you have the opportunity, visit people in their workplace and thank them. Either way, take the time to show your gratitude.
Assess your team’s capacity – make sure you are giving people time to disconnect.
Foster creativity – I am always reminding people to practice progress over perfection. Put diverse teams together and give them space to come up with creative solutions to problems.
Don’t forget to spend time on planning for the future – it is easy to get consumed during a crisis. You need to set aside time each day to think about the long term success and viability of your organization.
It is easy to lead when all is going well, it’s during times of crisis that you need to make the conscious decision to be a good leader. Learn from other leaders that you admire, your team is counting on you. What are some examples of strong leadership that you’ve notice since this crisis began? What challenges are you facing in your own organizations?
Recently, I spoke at a conference with 10,000
attendees, about 90 percent men. I noticed that many of the women were wearing
fashionable, but very high, heels. At one point, I found myself continually
noticing a woman standing on the side of the room. She was in four-inch heels
and I kept thinking, “is she comfortable in those things!? Why didn’t she wear
something more comfortable? Would it really make a difference if she was?”
I have been thinking about this same topic
when I watch the impressive role that Nancy Pelosi is playing as Speaker of the
House. She is an accomplished political leader with a storied career who will
be celebrating her 80th birthday in March. I cannot help to notice that she is
walking around the capitol building in very high heels.
I also spend a lot of time walking from home
to work and from building to building once I am at work. I carry my sensible
walking shoes in my bag and I do multiple shoe changes throughout the day. In
fact, I will do this four times today. On a day like today, I find myself
asking the question – why do I do this? The only answer I have come up with is
that it’s a norm that I have grown accustomed to, but it just doesn’t make
sense. I have always felt underdressed without heels, but that needs to change.
All of this leads me to think about the name
of my blog. Does it promote the stereotype that women must wear high heels to
be successful? To be honest, when I started this blog, I didn’t give too much
thought to the name. Heels of Success was suggested to me, and it sounded like
a memorable play on words. However, as time has passed, I believe it
misrepresents my purpose in writing these posts. I am considering a change to
the name, and I’d like to hear from you. What do you think of the name? Do you
have any ideas for a future name? With all of the challenges still facing women
in the workplace, uncomfortable feet should be an easy one to overcome!
As someone who takes goal-setting seriously, I enjoy looking back on the year, assessing progress I’ve made and looking ahead to all that I still want to do. While long lists of New Year’s resolutions often set you up for failure, I prefer to focus on one professional and one personal goal for the next year. I’m sharing mine below, but I’d also love to hear from you. Reading your comments helps me learn what’s important to you, and to get new ideas for topics to cover on this blog.
My 2020 Goals:
Personal: Take a few minutes each day to meditate.
Professional: Double my efforts to make connections with and listen to front-line staff.
My Favorite Posts from 2019:
Knowing Your Bandwidth
I began thinking about this post a few weeks ago, on a typical Sunday evening. My husband Lou and I had been traveling and we’d just returned home. I intended to use the evening to get the kitchen ready for our remodel that was about to begin, pack up everything that needed to be moved, complete the rest of my New Years cards and get ready for the week ahead. As I began this work, he became frustrated; “Madeline, you have an endless supply of bandwidth, and you have to remember that I do not.” READ MORE
2. The Upside of Vulnerability
We live in a culture with an ever-increasing focus on perfection. Whether it’s at home or in the workplace, we put so much pressure on ourselves to do everything, and do it perfectly. At work, the idea of always being over-prepared, with no question you can’t answer and nothing you haven’t thought of is likely appealing. However, this masks one of our most powerful tools as a leader – vulnerability. READ MORE
3. Developing Our Successors, Millennial Women in the Workplace
I am passionate about sharing advice for young women looking to advance their careers, especially for those looking towards the C-Suite. I offer suggestions on everything from taking stretch assignments and negotiating raises, to adjusting bad speech habits and dressing like a leader. However, I sometimes wonder if we’re expecting younger generations to conform to our workplace norms at the expense of truly letting their unique priorities and values shine through? READ MORE
4. Unlearning the Lessons of Charm School
There is nothing more rejuvenating than spending an evening out with close female friends. The camaraderie, support and laughter that accompanies these types of friendships is, in my opinion, an essential part of mental health. I recently had dinner with my two closest friends; women I can share anything and everything with, and with whom I can truly be myself. We talk about our common experience of having our children get married and laugh about how men (and specifically, our husbands!) need to find “man friends” (why do women seem to be so much better at recognizing the essential nature of supportive friendships!?) READ
5. Developing Helping Relationships, Making the Most of Your Networks
With the growth of social media platforms such as LinkedIn and endless other networking groups, we’ve seen a significant increase in our personal and professional networks. Just think about your connections. Now, think about how many of those people you actually know. How many of them could you help you advance your career or make a meaningful business connections? How many of them could you truly ask for a favor or an introduction? Probably not many. I think it’s important to learn how to develop more “surface-level relationships” into more meaningful relationships that can help us meet our personal and professional goals. READ MORE
Wishing you all a happy and healthy 2020 – please leave me a comment below and tell me what you’d like to read on the blog on the next year.
I know first-hand the demands that motherhood places on all women, and the unique challenges it presents to women who work outside the home. I returned to my career as a nurse just six weeks after the birth of my first child, but on a part-time basis. With my second child, I also returned to work with a reduced schedule and with my third, returned immediately to full time. In all instances, I felt rushed to jump back in before I was ready. Far too often women feel that they must choose between successful careers and motherhood, and either sacrifice time with their young children or drop out of the workforce entirely.
According to the Harvard Business Review, 43% of highly-qualified women with children are leaving careers or taking a career break. In another recent story by The New York Times,The Costs of Motherhood Are Rising, and Catching Women Off Guard, the author notes that despite earning more college degrees than men, entering jobs previously closed to them and delaying marriage and childbirth, women age 25 to 54 who work is about the same as it was in 1995. To me, this all points to an urgent need to make the balancing act more achievable as well as make sure we’re not penalizing women for stepping out for a time.
I recently sat down with CHOP’s AVP of Board Relations and my Chief of Staff, Ellen Dean, to discuss her experience of leaving the workforce, twice. Below is a summary of our conversation.
MB: What drove your decision to leave the workplace for a time? Did you intend on returning?
ED: When I first left the workforce, my children were three-and-a-half and one. My husband was traveling a lot for his job and I was feeling extremely overwhelmed trying to balance work and motherhood. There were very few female mentors for me at the firm where I worked after law school, and certainly none in leadership roles. And there was most definitely no option for part time or flexible work arrangements. So seeing all that made it very hard for me to understand how I could even begin to think about juggling that type of career and a family. Iknew in my heart that I had reached a juncture when I had to make a decision. The choice that was right for me at the time, for a variety of reasons, was to step away and focus on my family. I was very fortunate that my husband fully supported that decision and that he was willing to shoulder the burden of supporting us financially. I always intended to go back to work when the timing was right for everyone, which I eventually did when the kids were a bit older. When my kids were in high school I again started to feel the tug of not being able to adequately juggle everything. At that point I was in a very demanding and consuming full time + job that left me with little energy or time to really focus on my family. I was desperately afraid that I was going to blink and realize that I had missed important milestones in their lives and that I would regret not having been more present with them. I again made the decision to step away for a while – but I always intended to return to work when my youngest child left for college.
MB: What were some of your fears leading up to that decision? Was it clear-cut?
ED:I think my fears were the same ones that all women contemplating this type of decision feel. I worried about the impact of losing our second income, about not feeling fulfilled being at home, about not having enough stimulating adult interactions and a clear routine, about what my friends and family would think about my choice, and about not being able to get another job when I was ready to jump back in. In both instances my decisions were not clear-cut and took a lot of soul searching and mental back and forth before I could really articulate what I wanted to do and why.
MB: Did you find it difficult to re-enter the workplace?
ED: Despite all of my fear and anxiety about finding a way back in, re-entering not once, but twice, was much easier than I expected it to be. Having a large network of people to reach out to was extremely helpful in terms of identifying opportunities and opening doors for constructive conversations. However, when I told people that my intention was to go back to work as soon as my youngest left for college, many of them laughed and said “good luck making that happen” or “things don’t always work like that you know.” I started networking and talking to people about nine months before my daughter was going to leave for college and I went into my job search with the benefit of having had time to clearly define what I was looking for and enough self-confidence to know that I could bring value to an organization and that I wasn’t going to settle for something that didn’t really excite me. I got my offer from CHOP and started my job two months before she left for school!
MB: How does it feel to be back in the workplace? What did you learn?
ED: I am thrilled to be back at work and I am extremely grateful that I didn’t just get any job – I truly got my dream job. As an employee I always gave 100% to whatever I was doing, but it feels very different to me now that I am not trying to juggle different priorities. I think the most important thing I learned is that there isn’t one path for everyone. We all have to make decisions that work best for us and, as women, we need to be supportive of each other. While Sheryl Sandberg encourages everyone to Lean In, we also need to understand and accept that Leaning Out is an equally acceptable option for many of us. I also learned that it is possible to lean back in once you’ve leaned out for a while.
MB: What would be your advice to women who are mid-career, but are feeling the pressures of work-life balance and might be interested in taking a pause to prioritize other things?
ED: The first thing I would suggest is that they speak with their employer to see if any options exist for alternative work arrangements that might provide more flexibility. While I know that this won’t always be possible, I think that there are a lot more employers who are open to these arrangements than there were even 10 or 15 years ago. If a flexible schedule isn’t an option, or if someone is committed to taking a pause like I did, then I would encourage them to find ways to continue developing their skill sets while they are out of the workforce – through volunteering, working on projects, or consulting. And, lastly, I would highly recommend that they keep in touch with their co-workers, bosses, mentors and other professional connections so that they have a network of people to reach out to when they are ready to go back to work.
Thank you to Ellen for taking the time to share her story. How do you think we can better support women so that taking a break isn’t a career death sentence? How should we advise women to be strategic in how they take that time off, so that returning isn’t impossible and that they’re not unemployable? One thing is for certain – having more women in leadership positions will go a long way in pushing this conversation forward.
