I began thinking about this post a few weeks ago, on a typical Sunday evening. My husband Lou and I had been traveling and we’d just returned home. I intended to use the evening to get the kitchen ready for our remodel that was about to begin, pack up everything that needed to be moved, complete the rest of my New Years cards and get ready for the week ahead. As I began this work, he became frustrated; “Madeline, you have an endless supply of bandwidth, and you have to remember that I do not.” Lou has, by any definition, had an enormous amount of professional success – he’s balanced research, publishing and patient care as the Chief of General Pediatrics at CHOP, all while raising seven children. However, he knows how much downtime he needs to recharge and it is not always in synch with my desire to take on more. I believe the key to his success has much to do with knowing this, giving himself the necessary downtime to recharge, and pushing back when someone (usually me!) is depleting his bandwidth. It got me thinking.

We’ve all heard people talk about how busy they are, how stressed they are or how they can’t seem to find balance. Often, being busy is glamorized and if you’re not burning the candle at both ends, you’re somehow less successful. While I certainly promote taking on additional projects to stretch yourself and saying yes to things you may not quite feel prepared for, I also believe that in order to be successful you must know your own bandwidth.

For example, I know that by Friday evening, mine is spent. I like to go home, relax on the couch and make sure I go to bed as early as possible. If I have an event on a Friday night, I have to work extra hard to mentally prepare myself, though I try to avoid scheduling things for myself during this time. There have been many moments in my career when I thought, “I cannot possibly take on another thing.” However, I was always thinking in terms of adding and not subtracting anything from my plate. I started to focus more on what I can take off my to-do list, or which responsibility I can delegate when I want to take on something new. Productivity and functionality has a limit – you simply cannot take on more without looking for what you can remove. To me, this is central to knowing yourself and to building emotional intelligence.

Many people may argue that the leaders in their organization don’t respect the bandwidth of their employees. A large percentage of my work with those I directly manage is all about this topic. I help them prioritize, identify what can be delegated and how much they can handle while still thriving. This is key – everyone’s effectiveness decreases as a certain point. I know that when I ask one of my employees to take something additional on, I need to sit with them and make sure they know how to “rearrange” what’s on their plate. Opening up this conversation is important – leaders should be sure to ask their employees how they recharge or prioritize tasks. It’s important that we all acknowledge that a lower bandwidth does NOT equal lower performance, less ambition or less accomplishment.

If this is something you’ve been thinking about as well, I’d love to hear from you – how do you modulate your bandwidth? I believe this conversation should be central to helping everyone, but especially women, find balance and success without it being at the expense of their own effectiveness, sanity and personal life.