There is nothing more rejuvenating than spending an evening out with close female friends. The camaraderie, support and laughter that accompanies these types of friendships is, in my opinion, an essential part of mental health. I recently had dinner with my two closest friends; women I can share anything and everything with, and with whom I can truly be myself. We talk about our common experience of having our children get married and laugh about how men (and specifically, our husbands!) need to find “man friends” (why do women seem to be so much better at recognizing the essential nature of supportive friendships!?)
Of course, conversation and commiseration about our lived experience as women comes up as well. At one point in our dinner, my friend reminded us that her mom sent her to the Sears Charm School. If you’re unfamiliar with this relic of the 1970’s – it’s worth a Google search. When we went home, she sent us a link with this flyer:
After reading the newspaper ad (probably the one that sparked my friends mom to sign her up), I realized how much our generation was shaped by this messaging: “A five-week course on hair, makeup, figure control, walking, etc.”
I am often asked why women feel differently, why women leaders are not able to make it on boards or break the glass ceiling as CEO’s of large corporations. Becker’s Healthcare Review recently listed the top salaries in healthcare, and not one person on the list of 30 was a woman (I tried to do some searching here but can’t seem to find the article referenced). Seeing this newspaper ad from the 1970’s (not that long ago), helped to make clear what I already know, somewhat of an “a-ha moment” – we were shaped by a generation of mothers sending us to charm school. It wasn’t just this specific charm school that promoted these ideals for women either, it’s what we grew up seeing and believing everywhere – that our value resided in our looks and our ability to be gentle, refined, polite and attractive to men. This message was everywhere. We have had to unlearn these cultural lessons as we’ve collectively realized just how much they held us back in pursuing passions and identities beyond what the Sears Charm School demanded of us. Do you have specific memories learning how to behave or what was expected of you as a woman? Have those experiences held you back, and do you think young women today are being spared these lessons, or are they still being perpetuated?