by Madeline Bell | Jan 18, 2019 | Challenges, Leadership, Public Speaking, Women in the Workplace
Vocal Fry. Up-speak. Nasal. Too loud. Too high-pitched. Too quiet. Shrill.
We talk a lot about women’s voices. I have even written about the ways we can modulate our voices to appear more confident and capable. The truth is, there is scientific research that supports the fact that, “people associate low voices—which is to say the ones generally innate to men—with competence, leadership ability, and intelligence.” I can’t help but wonder, as a mentor, am I playing into a fundamentally sexist perception when I coach women to modulate their voices? Aren’t we actually just telling women to sound more like men?
Of course, Hillary Clinton is a prime example of how women’s voices are the topic of intense conversation. She wrote in her most recent book that for many years she was coached and trained to change the way she spoke so that she would be more “likeable” and would be taken seriously as a Presidential candidate. However, she noted that simultaneously, she was constantly criticized for sounding inauthentic. How could she possibly sound authentic when she’d spent years altering her voice?
I am the first to admit that I’m extremely distracted when I hear a woman using vocal fry, up-speak or using a very high-pitched tone. I do tend to think it makes them appear less serious, and I’m more inclined to listen to a women whose tone is steady and lower-pitched. This is a struggle for me – I know that by encouraging women to modulate their voices, I’m likely participating in gender bias, but am not sure how to change my perception. I would love to hear from you; do you find yourself judging a woman’s competencies based on the tone of her voice? Do you think paying attention to your speaking habits has helped you in your career? How do you feel about the ever-present conversation around women’s voices and our collective perception of traditionally more masculine voices as the ideal? Please share your comments with me – I will address some of them on my Facebook Group.
by Madeline Bell | Nov 13, 2018 | Challenges, Motherhood, Women in the Workplace, Work-Family Balance
With one in four women having to return to work less than 10 days after giving birth, we have a real problem in this country when it comes to giving women the time they need to recover and bond with their babies. However, even for those who are able to take 12 weeks off, there are huge challenges that are often not recognized by many employers. Sometimes referred to as the “fifth trimester,” the first three months of work after a maternity leave has the potential to make or break a woman’s commitment to her career.
I knew I wanted to keep working after having my daughter. However, when the time came to get back to work, it was extraordinarily difficult. I was not getting any sleep, my brain felt in a fog and I worried over her childcare. During days I was on the road, I pumped in my car between meetings (not uncommon – my sister-in-law uses her 1.5 hour commute to pump each day!). I felt overwhelmed by the demands of running a start-up business and learning how to be a mother, and I worried that maybe I couldn’t handle doing both (of course, this is a privileged viewpoint to even be able to consider what that would look like.) I discovered after talking with so many of my peers that this anxiety, fear and stress over learning to balance both new motherhood and career was nearly universal.
Excerpt from The Costs of Motherhood Are Rising, and Catching Women Off Guard in the NYT written by Claire Cain Miller.
A recent New York Times article called, “The Costs of Motherhood Are Rising, and Catching Women Off Guard,” discusses new research showing college-educated women in particular underestimate the demands of parenthood and the difficulties of combining working and parenting. It states, “The researchers documented a sharp decline in employment for women after their first children were born.” Additionally, it shows that for most of these women, stopping work was unplanned. I began to wonder if employers were aware of these challenges, and what companies are doing to help employees transition during the “fifth trimester.”
One of my closest friends had been back at work for about three months after a 12-week maternity leave, when she confided in me how miserable she was. She even considered quitting, or at least looking for something part-time, despite having worked hard for so many years to get where she was in her career. She eventually decided to approach her employer and laid out what she needed: more money, to leave an hour early a few days per week, and the ability to work from home on occasion. Happily, they gave her everything she asked for, and avoided losing a high-performing employee.
Two months postpartum. Hazel’s first business meeting with Gram!
Realizing just how common this struggle is, I asked Madeline (my mother-in-law & someone who employs over 13,000 people) what advice she would give as an employer to women struggling in their return to work. She advised, “Don’t hold it in. Rather than feel frustrated and resentful, I’d prefer for someone come and talk to me about it, especially if they are considering leaving their position. If they’re the right person for the job they have, I’d rather have half of them than none of them. I’d tell someone to come to their boss with a plan for what they need, how can they can make that work for the organization, and set a time to revisit the plan. If the answer is no, consider your options and decide if that’s the right place for you to work.”
If businesses can be more open to this type of a dialogue with their female employees during this life-changing, but temporary, phase, perhaps we can see more women continue on in their roles.
by Madeline Bell | Oct 22, 2018 | Challenges, Leadership
This past month has brought up many memories from my years as a young woman. With the controversy surrounding Brett Kavanaugh having subsided from the news a bit, it’s left me reflecting on my own experience and has led to conversations with my high school and college friends. We have been asking ourselves, how do these stories relate to our own experiences? Unfortunately, what we’re seeing today is all too familiar.
I attended high school in the 1970’s and college in the early 1980’s. My friends and I recently recalled the measures we took to defend ourselves from being victims of sexual predators among our peers. We protected each other by going to parties in packs and taking inventory to ensure that we didn’t leave a lone female friend behind at a fraternity party. During Senior Week in high school, we literally locked our friend in a bedroom to protect her from a a classmate known for sexual assault.
I cringe thinking about these memories. Why did we go to these parties? Why did I accept these circumstances as normal, when I would never accept them now? Yes, it was a different time. During our coming of age, it was not acceptable to go to the police or talk to our parents. Sadly, we simply took it upon ourselves to deal with horrendous behavior from young men. We did not hold them accountable, nor did we push our parents, teachers, elected officials or community leaders to address the issues that we knew were happening on our college campuses and at high school parties.
My sincere hope is that following this recent controversy, we can all take an honest look at the crimes that Brett Kavanaugh has been accused of committing and collectively admit that the behavior described was not unheard of during that time. Young women have always had to contend with the scenarios described by Dr. Blasey Ford, and they still do. They happen every day. We are making progress, but without acknowledging how frequently these situations occur, we will never help the next generation to stop accepting what generations before them have as normal.
Fast forward, now that I am a leader, with a platform, I can make it clear that sexual harassment and predatory behavior is unacceptable. With more awareness and frankly, more women in leadership positions, I believe we will.
by Madeline Bell | Sep 26, 2018 | Challenges, Confidence, Work-Family Balance
We’re all aware of the health benefits of exercise, but lately I’ve been hearing more conversation around the risks of NOT exercising among friends and co-workers. You’ve probably heard the research citing how terrible sitting over eight hours per day is for your health, and that it is the equivalent to the risks posed from smoking! While this is alarming and should prompt us all to get up and move, exercise is something that almost every woman I know struggles to incorporate into their busy lives. Nationally, seventy percent of mothers with children under 18 work outside the home, with over 75 percent employed full-time. In an era when most women are balancing children, career, family and home responsibilities, how and when are we supposed to find the time to exercise?
Fitting in exercise is not something that only women struggle with, men also balance sedentary jobs and busy schedules. However, I do believe there are unique challenges women face in the effort to incorporate exercise into their schedules. There is the hair and makeup that many of us have to deal with, and still, women in dual-working households tend to do more of the childcare and household responsibilities. Additionally, I’ve written frequently about the importance of developing confidence for women in the workplace, and we know that physical activity can support this effort (I recently shared an article from the Atlantic that shows the confidence gap between girls and boys develops as early as the tween years, unfortunately).
In the ongoing struggle for work-life balance, for me and many women I know, work and family come first. I admit that I am still trying to manage the “self-care” part of the equation. I have tried working with a personal trainer. I always dread going but when I am done, muscles shaking and sweating, I feel accomplished and so much better about myself. My trainer asked me to find a consistent day of the week for our training time, but with work and family demands, I have not been able to “protect” dates and times. I have also recently taken up running. Yes, at the age of 57 I have started to run every other day. I can listen to podcasts and zone out and I feel so accomplished as I increase the number of miles I can run. I ALWAYS feel so much better about myself when I do it, but the reality is that I do have to give something up in order to run. My Apple Watch has also helped me a lot. I watch the circles on my watch fill in to mark my steps, exercise and calories. The other side of this is when the circles are not filled in, I feel frustrated that I could not make exercise a priority that day. 
In an effort to learn from those who have mastered it and empathize with those who are still trying to find what works for them, I’m sharing reflections from women of varying ages and professions on the role of exercise in their lives. I hope there are some tips you can incorporate, and at the very least, feel a sense of comradery.
Kristy, VP of Strategic Marketing at LLR Partners
“After having a 2nd baby I am finding it harder and harder to exercise. At night, I’m exhausted and neither my husband nor I am “off duty” from all the associated things from bedtime to bottle washing until 9:00pm. I work through lunch one day per week and then leave early for an Orange Theory class before picking up kids at daycare. It’s my one day to really sweat and revive mental health. On weekends, we never go out for brunch and have an unwritten agreement that we trade off exercising and don’t commit to being anywhere before 11:00am. So many times, all these plans go haywire though.”
Megan, Trust and Estate Paralegal at Fournaris & Mammarella, P.A.
“I work out at lunchtime. Luckily, I have a job where I have flexibility in my day so most days it works. However, I only get an hour so I have to keep it fairly short, and it does require a quick shower if I do cardio as opposed to Pilates. I usually rinse quickly and don’t wet my hair. I try to keep makeup and hair fix as quick and easily as possible (I don’t wear a ton of makeup or style my hair). I find missing my workout makes me feel low and slightly out of sorts.”
Tracey, Labor & Delivery RN at University of Pennsylvania Health System
“After having a baby and working full time as a nurse I have found finding time for exercise more challenging. It is difficult balancing work, taking care of baby and family and myself without my husband thinking that I prioritize myself over them. It’s a constant struggle. I’m always tired, making it hard to wake up 4:30am to go to the gym at 5:00am before work.”
Clare, Advancement Director at St. Peter’s School
“It has become very difficult to get exercise being a nursing mom with two small children. There are very few gyms with childcare close to my home and no gyms close to my office. I also only get 30 minutes for lunch and will need to spend close to 90 minutes of my day pumping when I return to work. My husband gets an hour plus lunch break, doesn’t need to pump, and has a number of gyms directly near his office including one next door (plus no need to re-do hair and makeup after showering!) The bulk of my exercise is walking with the stroller these days. Part of me really doesn’t care and the other part of me just misses the free time I had before to work out or explore hobbies.”
Eleni, Director of Media and Community Development at Lily Pulitzer
“I do squats when I brush my teeth and other mindless times when I can multi-task. I also do monthly challenges with a girlfriend of mine that we find on Instagram – like a month of push-ups, wall sits, squats, etc. since I have zero time to go somewhere to workout. I know that there IS time to go work out, but I don’t want to leave my babies when I’ve already left them so much during the day. The constant struggle of wanting to be in two places. I also have jogging stroller and go for walk/runs with the babies when I can. It’s the little things.”
Sarah, Emergency Veterinary Technician at Anne Arundel Veterinary Emergency Clinic & Veterinary Medicine Student
“I used to go to the gym regularly in college, but in the first year of vet school I found it really hard to navigate a demanding class schedule, studying and social life without letting exercise slip. I found that by learning to use my downtime wisely (i.e. taking my dog for a hike instead of scrolling through social media mindlessly for an hour) was SO beneficial for my mental health, ability to focus, and general energy level-and after a while, making that decision to go for a jog or hike or bike ride instead of sitting on the couch isn’t even a difficult one! And as a bonus, finding friends who also enjoy outdoor adventures means you can cover all your bases at once.”
Rachel, Project Control Specialist at HNTB
“I do a gym session or yoga class after my toddler’s bedtime because we have limited time together pre-and post-work. Of course, if my husband is away, or I have work to catch up on, or my house chores aren’t done, the workout is the first thing to be sacrificed. I find that having a regular 2-3 times a week workout greatly improves my mental health and efficiency in all aspects of my life. That said, I have gone to the gym maybe once in the last two months. Usually when I need it most, I can’t find the time to go!”
Mary Kate, Case Supervisor at CASA/Youth Advocates, Inc.
“I got into a consistent commitment to my own wellness last year by joining an all-women’s gym with 5 and 6am classes. It’s such an awesome community of women and I can get a workout in and get home before my kids are even awake. Before, I tried to fit in running, yoga and gym around my mom and work schedule, but it was hard to stay motivated and consistent. I’ve seen an enormous increase in my confidence since starting, as well as positive impact on mental health.”
Caitlin, Web Designer
“I love the in-home gym option. Ours is small but efficient; elliptical, weights, pull up bar, bands. I also used to do 21-Day Fix and Insanity videos but it took a lot more motivation to do those after work. With the elliptical I could catch up on my trashy TV and let’s be honest, that’s really all I wanted to do after work. I would plan out my late afternoon snacks accordingly so I could come straight home and workout right away and not be hungry vs. working out after dinner. My husband and I would take turns so someone was always with our son. We’re lucky now and have child care at our gym that we love and they love. Makes it very easy and guilt free!”
Now I’d love to hear from you! What particular challenges do you face when it comes to adding exercise into your busy routine? If you have tips for others, please share them!
by Madeline Bell | Nov 3, 2017 | Challenges, Women in the Workplace
This is an interesting question to ask in the midst of so many women coming forward with stories of sexual harassment in the workplace. Sexual harassment and sexual assault is a huge problem in our society, and it is interconnected with so many other instances of degradation, dismissive behavior and deeply ingrained attitudes about women who seek equal opportunity and power. I started to write this particular blog post before the #MeToo movement – I planned on simply recounting a recent situation where I was among a few women in a group full of more than 70 male leaders. A very prominent male business leader made a presentation to the group, and afterwards opened the room up for questions. The first hand raised was that of a woman. The presenter proceeded to call on 4 men, all of whom had their hands up after the woman. Finally, when prompted by a woman who was with him, the presenter finally called on the woman who had first raised her hand.
Unfortunately, this is not an unusual story, but it reminded me how often women are still invisible. Yes, it is not as serious as experiencing sexual harassment, but it is never-the-less a symptom of women not being seen as powerful as men. I had a conversation with my step-daughter about this topic and her perspective was that it’s all behavior that falls on the same continuum. It may not be sexual harassment, but to the women in the room, including me, it still felt demoralizing and degrading.
I knew after the meeting that I needed to say something. I pointed out the behavior to the facilitator and reminded him that he needs to be aware of the dynamic in the room. He had not noticed, and was thankful that I had made him aware of the situation. As women, we need to come forward to point out behavior that creates the dynamic that positions women as invisible.
by Amy Hou | Mar 7, 2017 | Challenges, Motherhood, Trailblazers, Women in the Workplace, Work-Family Balance
Amy Bell Hou is a writer, early childhood educator and mother living in Oakland. She is a co-founder of Drop Leaf Press, a women-operated poetry press based in San Francisco.
March 8 is International Women’s Day.
It’s also a day that multiple organizations for the advancement of women are calling for a women’s general labor strike. They’re calling it “A Day Without a Woman.”
The purpose of the strike is to shine a spotlight on “the enormous value that women of all backgrounds add to our socio-economic system–while receiving lower wages and experiencing greater inequities, vulnerability to discrimination, sexual harassment, and job insecurity.”
Women are a vital, often undervalued sector of the labor force in the world. At our paid jobs, women typically earn less than men in the same roles and suffer career setbacks if they decide to have children. Women also typically take the lion’s share of domestic work, like cooking, cleaning, and child care. Such unpaid labor is vital to a functioning economy and ought to be recognized as such, yet motherhood remains the number one predictor of poverty.
At Heels of Success, we endeavor to support all women as they balance careers, partnerships, children, and their own growth as individuals. We hope our posts can help bring more women into positions of leadership, because we believe the goal of widespread gender parity in the American workplace — nothing less than a major cultural shift — is only going to come when women have an equal number of seats at the table where decisions are made.
As such, we stand in solidarity with women, trans people and their allies for A Day Without a Woman.
While many women, particularly those in the fields of healthcare, childcare, and elderly care may not be able to strike, there are still ways for women and their partners to show solidarity.
The Women’s March organizers have set up a good FAQ and resources page, which will guide you through ways to show your support. Read the full International Women’s Strike platform here.
Summary:
- Avoid shopping on that day, unless the business is local or women-owned.
- Can’t strike? Wear red to show your support.
- Men can participate by bringing up equal pay and paid family leave with decision-makers at work, leaning into housework and care work for children, and reflecting on their own expectations of women co-workers.
We’d love to hear your thoughts.
