With one in four women having to return to work less than 10 days after giving birth, we have a real problem in this country when it comes to giving women the time they need to recover and bond with their babies. However, even for those who are able to take 12 weeks off, there are huge challenges that are often not recognized by many employers. Sometimes referred to as the “fifth trimester,” the first three months of work after a maternity leave has the potential to make or break a woman’s commitment to her career.
I knew I wanted to keep working after having my daughter. However, when the time came to get back to work, it was extraordinarily difficult. I was not getting any sleep, my brain felt in a fog and I worried over her childcare. During days I was on the road, I pumped in my car between meetings (not uncommon – my sister-in-law uses her 1.5 hour commute to pump each day!). I felt overwhelmed by the demands of running a start-up business and learning how to be a mother, and I worried that maybe I couldn’t handle doing both (of course, this is a privileged viewpoint to even be able to consider what that would look like.) I discovered after talking with so many of my peers that this anxiety, fear and stress over learning to balance both new motherhood and career was nearly universal.
A recent New York Times article called, “The Costs of Motherhood Are Rising, and Catching Women Off Guard,” discusses new research showing college-educated women in particular underestimate the demands of parenthood and the difficulties of combining working and parenting. It states, “The researchers documented a sharp decline in employment for women after their first children were born.” Additionally, it shows that for most of these women, stopping work was unplanned. I began to wonder if employers were aware of these challenges, and what companies are doing to help employees transition during the “fifth trimester.”
One of my closest friends had been back at work for about three months after a 12-week maternity leave, when she confided in me how miserable she was. She even considered quitting, or at least looking for something part-time, despite having worked hard for so many years to get where she was in her career. She eventually decided to approach her employer and laid out what she needed: more money, to leave an hour early a few days per week, and the ability to work from home on occasion. Happily, they gave her everything she asked for, and avoided losing a high-performing employee.
Realizing just how common this struggle is, I asked Madeline (my mother-in-law & someone who employs over 13,000 people) what advice she would give as an employer to women struggling in their return to work. She advised, “Don’t hold it in. Rather than feel frustrated and resentful, I’d prefer for someone come and talk to me about it, especially if they are considering leaving their position. If they’re the right person for the job they have, I’d rather have half of them than none of them. I’d tell someone to come to their boss with a plan for what they need, how can they can make that work for the organization, and set a time to revisit the plan. If the answer is no, consider your options and decide if that’s the right place for you to work.”
If businesses can be more open to this type of a dialogue with their female employees during this life-changing, but temporary, phase, perhaps we can see more women continue on in their roles.
love this thread! wish that this awareness existed when my son was a baby (now 32).
As a mother of 5, I felt the impact of the dreaded return to work the same each and every time. With my most recent pregnancy, my son decided he wanted to attempt a much-too-early entrance into this world. Sitting at my desk, knowing the contractions were building, I feared first for my son’s health and a very quick second, what a preterm scenario would mean for my job. The jump to worrying about the impact to my work happened much too quickly in hindsight. However, I enjoy my job, the people I work with and the workstreams I had in progress. This mattered too, admittedly not as much as ensuring my little boy stayed tucked in a few months longer, but in my heart I knew my commitment to work also mattered. As I spent the next many weeks on bedrest, I was so blessed to have had the courage to approach the exact discussion you describe with my employer. I was truly humbled by the support I received. It was clear that I did not have to choose between what was needed for my unborn child and what keeps my mind and heart challenged and engaged at work. I was able to do both. I am forever grateful for this support from my employer and the birth of my healthy baby boy— a now rowdy 3-year old that is just a smidge easier (mentally) to leave for the day (don’t tell him I said that ;).
Thank you for this excellent and meaningful post and the opportunity to share my story as well.
Cheryl