by Madeline Bell | Feb 7, 2019 | Challenges, Leadership, Professional Growth, Skills, Work-Family Balance
I began thinking about this post a few weeks ago, on a typical Sunday evening. My husband Lou and I had been traveling and we’d just returned home. I intended to use the evening to get the kitchen ready for our remodel that was about to begin, pack up everything that needed to be moved, complete the rest of my New Years cards and get ready for the week ahead. As I began this work, he became frustrated; “Madeline, you have an endless supply of bandwidth, and you have to remember that I do not.” Lou has, by any definition, had an enormous amount of professional success – he’s balanced research, publishing and patient care as the Chief of General Pediatrics at CHOP, all while raising seven children. However, he knows how much downtime he needs to recharge and it is not always in synch with my desire to take on more. I believe the key to his success has much to do with knowing this, giving himself the necessary downtime to recharge, and pushing back when someone (usually me!) is depleting his bandwidth. It got me thinking.
We’ve all heard people talk about how busy they are, how stressed they are or how they can’t seem to find balance. Often, being busy is glamorized and if you’re not burning the candle at both ends, you’re somehow less successful. While I certainly promote taking on additional projects to stretch yourself and saying yes to things you may not quite feel prepared for, I also believe that in order to be successful you must know your own bandwidth.
For example, I know that by Friday evening, mine is spent. I like to go home, relax on the couch and make sure I go to bed as early as possible. If I have an event on a Friday night, I have to work extra hard to mentally prepare myself, though I try to avoid scheduling things for myself during this time. There have been many moments in my career when I thought, “I cannot possibly take on another thing.” However, I was always thinking in terms of adding and not subtracting anything from my plate. I started to focus more on what I can take off my to-do list, or which responsibility I can delegate when I want to take on something new. Productivity and functionality has a limit – you simply cannot take on more without looking for what you can remove. To me, this is central to knowing yourself and to building emotional intelligence.
Many people may argue that the leaders in their organization don’t respect the bandwidth of their employees. A large percentage of my work with those I directly manage is all about this topic. I help them prioritize, identify what can be delegated and how much they can handle while still thriving. This is key – everyone’s effectiveness decreases as a certain point. I know that when I ask one of my employees to take something additional on, I need to sit with them and make sure they know how to “rearrange” what’s on their plate. Opening up this conversation is important – leaders should be sure to ask their employees how they recharge or prioritize tasks. It’s important that we all acknowledge that a lower bandwidth does NOT equal lower performance, less ambition or less accomplishment.
If this is something you’ve been thinking about as well, I’d love to hear from you – how do you modulate your bandwidth? I believe this conversation should be central to helping everyone, but especially women, find balance and success without it being at the expense of their own effectiveness, sanity and personal life.
by Madeline Bell | Nov 13, 2018 | Challenges, Motherhood, Women in the Workplace, Work-Family Balance
With one in four women having to return to work less than 10 days after giving birth, we have a real problem in this country when it comes to giving women the time they need to recover and bond with their babies. However, even for those who are able to take 12 weeks off, there are huge challenges that are often not recognized by many employers. Sometimes referred to as the “fifth trimester,” the first three months of work after a maternity leave has the potential to make or break a woman’s commitment to her career.
I knew I wanted to keep working after having my daughter. However, when the time came to get back to work, it was extraordinarily difficult. I was not getting any sleep, my brain felt in a fog and I worried over her childcare. During days I was on the road, I pumped in my car between meetings (not uncommon – my sister-in-law uses her 1.5 hour commute to pump each day!). I felt overwhelmed by the demands of running a start-up business and learning how to be a mother, and I worried that maybe I couldn’t handle doing both (of course, this is a privileged viewpoint to even be able to consider what that would look like.) I discovered after talking with so many of my peers that this anxiety, fear and stress over learning to balance both new motherhood and career was nearly universal.
Excerpt from The Costs of Motherhood Are Rising, and Catching Women Off Guard in the NYT written by Claire Cain Miller.
A recent New York Times article called, “The Costs of Motherhood Are Rising, and Catching Women Off Guard,” discusses new research showing college-educated women in particular underestimate the demands of parenthood and the difficulties of combining working and parenting. It states, “The researchers documented a sharp decline in employment for women after their first children were born.” Additionally, it shows that for most of these women, stopping work was unplanned. I began to wonder if employers were aware of these challenges, and what companies are doing to help employees transition during the “fifth trimester.”
One of my closest friends had been back at work for about three months after a 12-week maternity leave, when she confided in me how miserable she was. She even considered quitting, or at least looking for something part-time, despite having worked hard for so many years to get where she was in her career. She eventually decided to approach her employer and laid out what she needed: more money, to leave an hour early a few days per week, and the ability to work from home on occasion. Happily, they gave her everything she asked for, and avoided losing a high-performing employee.
Two months postpartum. Hazel’s first business meeting with Gram!
Realizing just how common this struggle is, I asked Madeline (my mother-in-law & someone who employs over 13,000 people) what advice she would give as an employer to women struggling in their return to work. She advised, “Don’t hold it in. Rather than feel frustrated and resentful, I’d prefer for someone come and talk to me about it, especially if they are considering leaving their position. If they’re the right person for the job they have, I’d rather have half of them than none of them. I’d tell someone to come to their boss with a plan for what they need, how can they can make that work for the organization, and set a time to revisit the plan. If the answer is no, consider your options and decide if that’s the right place for you to work.”
If businesses can be more open to this type of a dialogue with their female employees during this life-changing, but temporary, phase, perhaps we can see more women continue on in their roles.
by Madeline Bell | Nov 1, 2018 | Leadership, Mentoring, Networking, Women in the Workplace, Work-Family Balance
I recently had the pleasure of attending a Women’s Leadership Luncheon hosted by Jacobson Strategic Communications and the Philadelphia Chamber of Commerce. It was a wonderful afternoon connecting with other leaders, listening to a discussion with Secretary Leslie Richards, the first woman Secretary of PennDOT, and Secretary Robin Wiessmann, the Pennsylvania Secretary of Banking and Securities, moderated by Sara Lomax-Reese, President and CEO of WURD Radio, Pennsylvania’s only African- American-owned talk radio station. I left feeling incredibly motivated by the women I met, and was compelled to share some of what I took away from the event. All three women have different stories and perspectives, but are equally impressive not just in their ability to rise to the top of their fields, but to participate actively in public life. All three serve on boards (a topic I will give advice on in an upcoming post!) and spend time motivating and supporting other women.
photo courtesy of Robbin L. Wiessmann
I particularly enjoyed hearing about Secretary Richards’ career journey. She is responsible for leading 11,500 employees, yet spends a great deal of her time working to advance female leaders. In 2017, she was appointed the first female chair of the Pennsylvania Turnpike Commission as well as the Public Private Partnership (P3) Board, and has won numerous awards (Female Innovator of the Year, Female Executive of the Year and the Women of Distinction award). In 2017, Secretary Richards and First Lady Frances Wolf launched the Moving Women Forward tour, a series of town-hall-style events held at institutions of higher learning across Pennsylvania. These gatherings encourage more young women and minorities to pursue careers and leadership positions in these fields. At the luncheon, she talked about what it was like to gain credibility with a workforce of men. She also talked about how she uses humor as a strategy to get a difficult message across, especially when she is the only woman in the room. She authors an inspiring blog on the PennDOT website. One line in a recent post stuck out to me,
“Before I was appointed to serve as Pennsylvania’s first female Secretary of Transportation, there were times in my career where I worked part-time and even was a stay-at-home mom for eight years. I never dreamed that I would hold this title. I have a technical background with a degree in economics and urban studies, and am not only the first woman, but also the first person with an urban planning background to lead the agency. I am proof that the traditional linear career path isn’t the only path that exists.”
This aspect of her journey really resonated with me. I too, could not have imaged holding the title of CEO when I was younger. When my second son was born, I pulled back from work and reduced my hours to part time for the first nine months of his life. He was not sleeping well, and the challenges of having two young children were taking a toll on me. At that moment in time, I was simply not able to give to my career what I had previously. However, that’s exactly what it was – a moment in time. Taking a step back at certain points to prioritize family, advancing your education or pivoting to a new path does not mean that you can’t excel and rise to the top of your chosen field later in life. With drive, motivation and help from others, anything is possible.
It is events like this luncheon that are critical for helping to advance more women into leadership positions. I was reminded after reading Secretary Richard’s blog, of a quote from one my personal heroes, Madeleine Albright, “There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.” By gathering together, sharing our stories and learning from each other, I am hopeful that we can continue to see more women follow in the footsteps of Secretary Richards, Secretary Weismann and Sara Lomax-Reese.
by Madeline Bell | Sep 26, 2018 | Challenges, Confidence, Work-Family Balance
We’re all aware of the health benefits of exercise, but lately I’ve been hearing more conversation around the risks of NOT exercising among friends and co-workers. You’ve probably heard the research citing how terrible sitting over eight hours per day is for your health, and that it is the equivalent to the risks posed from smoking! While this is alarming and should prompt us all to get up and move, exercise is something that almost every woman I know struggles to incorporate into their busy lives. Nationally, seventy percent of mothers with children under 18 work outside the home, with over 75 percent employed full-time. In an era when most women are balancing children, career, family and home responsibilities, how and when are we supposed to find the time to exercise?
Fitting in exercise is not something that only women struggle with, men also balance sedentary jobs and busy schedules. However, I do believe there are unique challenges women face in the effort to incorporate exercise into their schedules. There is the hair and makeup that many of us have to deal with, and still, women in dual-working households tend to do more of the childcare and household responsibilities. Additionally, I’ve written frequently about the importance of developing confidence for women in the workplace, and we know that physical activity can support this effort (I recently shared an article from the Atlantic that shows the confidence gap between girls and boys develops as early as the tween years, unfortunately).
In the ongoing struggle for work-life balance, for me and many women I know, work and family come first. I admit that I am still trying to manage the “self-care” part of the equation. I have tried working with a personal trainer. I always dread going but when I am done, muscles shaking and sweating, I feel accomplished and so much better about myself. My trainer asked me to find a consistent day of the week for our training time, but with work and family demands, I have not been able to “protect” dates and times. I have also recently taken up running. Yes, at the age of 57 I have started to run every other day. I can listen to podcasts and zone out and I feel so accomplished as I increase the number of miles I can run. I ALWAYS feel so much better about myself when I do it, but the reality is that I do have to give something up in order to run. My Apple Watch has also helped me a lot. I watch the circles on my watch fill in to mark my steps, exercise and calories. The other side of this is when the circles are not filled in, I feel frustrated that I could not make exercise a priority that day. 
In an effort to learn from those who have mastered it and empathize with those who are still trying to find what works for them, I’m sharing reflections from women of varying ages and professions on the role of exercise in their lives. I hope there are some tips you can incorporate, and at the very least, feel a sense of comradery.
Kristy, VP of Strategic Marketing at LLR Partners
“After having a 2nd baby I am finding it harder and harder to exercise. At night, I’m exhausted and neither my husband nor I am “off duty” from all the associated things from bedtime to bottle washing until 9:00pm. I work through lunch one day per week and then leave early for an Orange Theory class before picking up kids at daycare. It’s my one day to really sweat and revive mental health. On weekends, we never go out for brunch and have an unwritten agreement that we trade off exercising and don’t commit to being anywhere before 11:00am. So many times, all these plans go haywire though.”
Megan, Trust and Estate Paralegal at Fournaris & Mammarella, P.A.
“I work out at lunchtime. Luckily, I have a job where I have flexibility in my day so most days it works. However, I only get an hour so I have to keep it fairly short, and it does require a quick shower if I do cardio as opposed to Pilates. I usually rinse quickly and don’t wet my hair. I try to keep makeup and hair fix as quick and easily as possible (I don’t wear a ton of makeup or style my hair). I find missing my workout makes me feel low and slightly out of sorts.”
Tracey, Labor & Delivery RN at University of Pennsylvania Health System
“After having a baby and working full time as a nurse I have found finding time for exercise more challenging. It is difficult balancing work, taking care of baby and family and myself without my husband thinking that I prioritize myself over them. It’s a constant struggle. I’m always tired, making it hard to wake up 4:30am to go to the gym at 5:00am before work.”
Clare, Advancement Director at St. Peter’s School
“It has become very difficult to get exercise being a nursing mom with two small children. There are very few gyms with childcare close to my home and no gyms close to my office. I also only get 30 minutes for lunch and will need to spend close to 90 minutes of my day pumping when I return to work. My husband gets an hour plus lunch break, doesn’t need to pump, and has a number of gyms directly near his office including one next door (plus no need to re-do hair and makeup after showering!) The bulk of my exercise is walking with the stroller these days. Part of me really doesn’t care and the other part of me just misses the free time I had before to work out or explore hobbies.”
Eleni, Director of Media and Community Development at Lily Pulitzer
“I do squats when I brush my teeth and other mindless times when I can multi-task. I also do monthly challenges with a girlfriend of mine that we find on Instagram – like a month of push-ups, wall sits, squats, etc. since I have zero time to go somewhere to workout. I know that there IS time to go work out, but I don’t want to leave my babies when I’ve already left them so much during the day. The constant struggle of wanting to be in two places. I also have jogging stroller and go for walk/runs with the babies when I can. It’s the little things.”
Sarah, Emergency Veterinary Technician at Anne Arundel Veterinary Emergency Clinic & Veterinary Medicine Student
“I used to go to the gym regularly in college, but in the first year of vet school I found it really hard to navigate a demanding class schedule, studying and social life without letting exercise slip. I found that by learning to use my downtime wisely (i.e. taking my dog for a hike instead of scrolling through social media mindlessly for an hour) was SO beneficial for my mental health, ability to focus, and general energy level-and after a while, making that decision to go for a jog or hike or bike ride instead of sitting on the couch isn’t even a difficult one! And as a bonus, finding friends who also enjoy outdoor adventures means you can cover all your bases at once.”
Rachel, Project Control Specialist at HNTB
“I do a gym session or yoga class after my toddler’s bedtime because we have limited time together pre-and post-work. Of course, if my husband is away, or I have work to catch up on, or my house chores aren’t done, the workout is the first thing to be sacrificed. I find that having a regular 2-3 times a week workout greatly improves my mental health and efficiency in all aspects of my life. That said, I have gone to the gym maybe once in the last two months. Usually when I need it most, I can’t find the time to go!”
Mary Kate, Case Supervisor at CASA/Youth Advocates, Inc.
“I got into a consistent commitment to my own wellness last year by joining an all-women’s gym with 5 and 6am classes. It’s such an awesome community of women and I can get a workout in and get home before my kids are even awake. Before, I tried to fit in running, yoga and gym around my mom and work schedule, but it was hard to stay motivated and consistent. I’ve seen an enormous increase in my confidence since starting, as well as positive impact on mental health.”
Caitlin, Web Designer
“I love the in-home gym option. Ours is small but efficient; elliptical, weights, pull up bar, bands. I also used to do 21-Day Fix and Insanity videos but it took a lot more motivation to do those after work. With the elliptical I could catch up on my trashy TV and let’s be honest, that’s really all I wanted to do after work. I would plan out my late afternoon snacks accordingly so I could come straight home and workout right away and not be hungry vs. working out after dinner. My husband and I would take turns so someone was always with our son. We’re lucky now and have child care at our gym that we love and they love. Makes it very easy and guilt free!”
Now I’d love to hear from you! What particular challenges do you face when it comes to adding exercise into your busy routine? If you have tips for others, please share them!
by Amy Hou | Mar 7, 2017 | Challenges, Motherhood, Trailblazers, Women in the Workplace, Work-Family Balance
Amy Bell Hou is a writer, early childhood educator and mother living in Oakland. She is a co-founder of Drop Leaf Press, a women-operated poetry press based in San Francisco.
March 8 is International Women’s Day.
It’s also a day that multiple organizations for the advancement of women are calling for a women’s general labor strike. They’re calling it “A Day Without a Woman.”
The purpose of the strike is to shine a spotlight on “the enormous value that women of all backgrounds add to our socio-economic system–while receiving lower wages and experiencing greater inequities, vulnerability to discrimination, sexual harassment, and job insecurity.”
Women are a vital, often undervalued sector of the labor force in the world. At our paid jobs, women typically earn less than men in the same roles and suffer career setbacks if they decide to have children. Women also typically take the lion’s share of domestic work, like cooking, cleaning, and child care. Such unpaid labor is vital to a functioning economy and ought to be recognized as such, yet motherhood remains the number one predictor of poverty.
At Heels of Success, we endeavor to support all women as they balance careers, partnerships, children, and their own growth as individuals. We hope our posts can help bring more women into positions of leadership, because we believe the goal of widespread gender parity in the American workplace — nothing less than a major cultural shift — is only going to come when women have an equal number of seats at the table where decisions are made.
As such, we stand in solidarity with women, trans people and their allies for A Day Without a Woman.
While many women, particularly those in the fields of healthcare, childcare, and elderly care may not be able to strike, there are still ways for women and their partners to show solidarity.
The Women’s March organizers have set up a good FAQ and resources page, which will guide you through ways to show your support. Read the full International Women’s Strike platform here.
Summary:
- Avoid shopping on that day, unless the business is local or women-owned.
- Can’t strike? Wear red to show your support.
- Men can participate by bringing up equal pay and paid family leave with decision-makers at work, leaning into housework and care work for children, and reflecting on their own expectations of women co-workers.
We’d love to hear your thoughts.
by Amy Hou | Jun 8, 2016 | Motherhood, Work-Family Balance
My youngest son will graduate from college next weekend. It sounds cliché but I find myself wondering where the time went.
My husband and I talked about traveling to Europe directly after the graduation. After providing a college education for seven children, we planned on celebrating our freedom from tuition payments by spending the equivalent of a semester of tuition on travel for ourselves. Well, plans are great, but then life happens and as it turns out, we are both too busy with work and family obligations, so we’ll defer the trip to another time. (We have committed to taking a shorter amount of time away for ourselves this summer.)
Seeing “my baby” graduate is a big transition for me. It has made me reflect on an earlier, very difficult transition: dropping him off at college in Chicago, four years ago. It was just before labor day weekend and, like the other children in our family, he did not want us to linger around campus. We had an evening flight scheduled that day, but at 10:30 in the morning he instructed us to take the empty moving boxes to the dorm’s trash chute and head on out. I was a bit hurt, but his behavior was exactly like all the others. He was saying, “Thanks for dropping me off but I need to get on with making friends and transitioning to a new chapter in my life.” It was a healthy response.
After dropping him off we headed home for the remainder of that Labor Day weekend. I found myself in tears. So much of my identity had been about being a mother. I was so used to coming home from work to children and all of joys and obligations associated with parenthood. My friends said, “you have a big job and a busy travel schedule, you should be relieved…you have so much more to fill your life…” But regardless of what they said, I was very sad. I could not even walk by my son’s room without shedding tears.
I headed to the dreaded grocery story while feeling sorry for myself. In the parking lot while I was loading groceries in my car, I ran into an acquaintance. She too had just dropped her son off at college but she was looking at this transition as an opportunity. She and her husband were heading to the Bruce Springsteen concert and then to a party at a friend’s house. They were excited to go out to dinner and start seeing movies again. The entire encounter was a “snap out of it” situation for me. On the ride home, I vowed to have a mental model shift in how I was seeing this life transition.
Now, with his graduation from college I am facing another transition, but I have been seeing it as an opportunity. Instead of dreading the change, I will help my son launch the next chapter of his life, just as I launch my next chapter.
