by Madeline Bell | Dec 1, 2015 | Challenges, Confidence, Professional Growth, Women in the Workplace
[Photo courtesy of The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia]
People sometimes ask me if I believe I’m treated differently as a woman in my position, as compared to the men who have held this role for the past 160 years. This is a question I often think about myself, and though I’ve been treated with great respect, I do believe there are times when a level of discomfort emerges from certain colleagues. I believe that the stories I’m about to share with you do not represent a conscious bias against women in leadership roles, but rather unconscious acts by well-meaning professionals that no less deserve investigation.
I had just received unanimous support from our board of trustees as the first woman CEO in our history. The board took a quick five-minute break and just outside of the boardroom a trustee said to me with a warm smile, “I’m not sure what I am supposed to do now, should I kiss you on the cheek or shake your hand?”
This may sound funny, but it certainly has not been an isolated incident. I returned the board member’s smile and simply told him that he should shake my hand. As I went through the first few months of my tenure, I realized that men of all different ages—many the heads of large Fortune 100 companies—would kiss my cheek rather than shake my hand. I started to think about what this meant and what larger story this phenomenon was telling.
Though I may be just as qualified, confident, and capable as my male CEO counterparts, other men are not struggling over the decision of how to greet them. It is an act that positions women as different and a reminder that men see me differently than my predecessors whether I want them to or not. It’s reminiscent of how I might be treated in a social setting as opposed to a business environment where I am a leader and a tested decision maker.
These subtle but powerful reminders that I’m somehow different are everywhere. During a recent conference of CEOs, I sat in a room full of men as the speaker made a silly but telling remark. He joked, “I can tell who the entrepreneurs are in the room… they’re the guys without the ties.” As the room buzzed with laughter I felt a moment of discomfort. I thought, “I’m not wearing a tie, and I’m not an entrepreneur.” Though it was an innocuous comment meant to break the ice, it also served to point me out as different within the first ten minutes of being in the room. I know that wasn’t this man’s intention, but had he been more accustomed to talking to large groups of CEOs that consisted of both men and women, it probably wouldn’t have been the joke he planned for the occasion.
It’s not just men who contribute to the unconscious bias against women in senior leadership roles. A woman I know was kind enough to plan a party to celebrate my promotion—a lovely and generous woman whom I’ve known for years. As she worked out the details for the party, she gave me a call to request my input on the color of the linens for the event. Now, most CEOs are not likely to be weighing in on linens at their parties and I’m certain my predecessor was not asked his opinion. Again, what seems like a harmless—and possibly even polite—question serves to position me differently.
It is because of this unconscious bias that I feel women in leadership roles need to be more intentional, more confident and more bold than do men in similar positions. We need to be conscious of these seemingly minor incidents so that others will learn to be aware of the subtle differences in treatment that occur. Often, women express to me that any discomfort people have with women leaders should not be our responsibility to address. And while that may be true in an ideal world, until the number of women in these roles reaches appropriate levels, I believe we need to take ownership of the problem and be conscious for everyone who is not so that we are no longer presented with “kiss or shake” confusion.
Have you ever been in a position where your gender felt like a differentiator in the workplace? Have you experienced examples like these from well-meaning men and women in a business setting? If so, I’d love to hear about them, and how you’ve handled them.
by Amy Hou | Dec 1, 2015 | Confidence, Leadership, Leading Teams
[Photo courtesy of The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia]
Every leader, whether they’re leading four people or four thousand, needs a platform — a set of values for which you are (or will become) known. A leadership platform drives the culture of your team or department or organization; it is your internal roadmap that will guide you and for which you will hold yourself accountable going forward.
How do you develop your leadership platform?
One way to begin is to ask yourself:
- What legacy do I want to leave?
- What do I want people to say about who I am as a leader?
- What do I want to be known for or associated with?
For people in positions of power, attention is currency. What you are saying with your leadership platform is, I’m going to pay attention to this. This is what is important to me. If you have a boss, you are telling him or her that these are the markers for which you can be held accountable. So it is important to revisit your leadership platform during your tenure in that role. It can serve as your guide and return your attention to what is important if it has strayed.
Here are a few items on my leadership platform as CEO of CHOP. In a nutshell:
- Promoting a safe environment by reducing events of preventable harm
- Promoting a culture of respect, including diversity and inclusivity in the workplace
- The best ideas come from the front lines, meaning good managerial decision-making starts closest to the actual work
- Commitment to innovation
- Holding leadership accountable, including myself
Leaders are deliberate in their leadership. They are not only at the head of projects and the day-to-day business, they are creating the culture and making changes where change is needed.
Leaders are also talked about by employees; this is natural and to be expected. In fact, it can be a good thing, if what they’re saying helps further your agenda. For example, let’s say two employees are planning to bring an issue to their boss (that’s you), and one of them says, “Let’s not talk to her until we’ve done all of our homework. She is known for asking the following questions… and I know she will hold us accountable for the answers”. That’s your leadership platform in action!
Not only does this platform help establish your reputation, it enables you to be less wishy-washy as a leader because everyone, including yourself, knows where you stand. As you go forward in your role, your leadership platform becomes an effective guide and measure for your actions and the progress of your team.
by Amy Hou | Dec 1, 2015 | Challenges, Confidence
[Photo courtesy of The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia]
I hear it so many times from young, talented women. They do their job well, get promoted, and instead of charging ahead, they feel like imposters. Imposter Syndrome – the inability to internalize one’s accomplishments – is a real issue many high-achieving women face.
It can express itself in different ways, all of them pretty harmful. Maybe you use self-deprecating language or feel embarrassed when asking others to do something. Or you feel guilty that you got the promotion over someone else you thought was more qualified. We have to get these feelings out of our heads.
These pervasive thoughts put us at a distance from our roles as leaders. I had just been promoted to CEO, and my onboarding coach asked me, “So what are you going to do at the board meeting? How are you going to present yourself?”
I replied, “I’m going to go in there and be intentional about my position as the CEO, I’m going to be show that I’m owning the role…”
She stopped me and said, “You don’t need to do that.”
When she saw my blank face, she continued. “You don’t need to be assertive about being CEO. You were voted in unanimously. They want you in that role. You don’t have to teach them that you are the CEO, because in their minds, you already are.”
By thinking that the CEO role was something I needed to assert to others, I’d ignored my own advice. What I needed to do was remember that I worked for this, and now I owned this, period. It was time to unveil my vision and strategy to the board.
So I came up with my plan, a list of priorities that would define my tenure. I presented this platform to the board and told them what I would need from them in order accomplish it. The meeting went successfully because I had a clear picture of the way forward and most importantly, I did not waste my time trying to convince them that I was the new CEO!
And that is what is expected of a leader.
I have many more stories of this “imposter feeling” that is so pervasive among women, which I will share in upcoming posts. I’m interested to hear yours as well. I think it can be helpful to see the different ways that we demote ourselves even while we’re getting promoted in our jobs.
by Madeline Bell | Dec 1, 2015 | Confidence, Professional Growth, Public Speaking
[Photo courtesy of The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia]
Apologizing. Discrediting what we’re about to say. Raising our hands before we speak. These are all things I’ve seen high-powered women do in meetings. They are not things I have seen many, if any, men do. I was recently in a room with a room full of extremely accomplished and intelligent physicians, debating possible solutions to a problem. As suggestions, statements and explanations flew around the room, I noticed that the sole female physician (who actually had a higher title and more experience than the men in the room) was the only participant in the debate to raise her hand before she spoke and prefaced her statement with “I’m sorry, but.” She had all the right credentials to be at the table (and then some!) and should have felt confident, yet she felt the need to ask permission to enter the discussion and apologize for what she internalized as an interruption.
In another meeting on a different day, I sat with a room full of women leaders. As we discussed a variety of topics, a woman whom I had always been impressed by and seen as an up-and-coming leader, spoke up and said, “Well, this might be silly, but…” She then went on to give a thought-out and interesting idea. I was so disappointed. Later, I pulled her aside and asked her if she had realized her habit. She reacted with shock, and said she hadn’t. I asked how she was feeling as she contributed to the discussion, and she said she wasn’t sure if it was appropriate for her to chime in. Though it was a bit uncomfortable to ask her about it, I was able to use it as a coaching moment and I believe she really appreciated the feedback. As leaders, we have to not simply watch other women practice these often unconscious bad habits, we need to use them as opportunities for self-reflection and growth.
So why do we feel discomfort speaking up, arguing for our position or speaking freely without fear that it may sound “silly?” As women, we are often raised to be “good girls,” to be polite and agreeable. It can often feel uncomfortable to be bold, to interrupt or to disagree but the key is: feel it on the inside, but don’t say it out loud. You may feel like what you’re about to say may be silly but don’t announce that to the room. When you preface a statement with a self-deprecating phrase like “I’m sorry, but” or “This may be silly, but” it only serves to discredit the validity of what you’re about the say. Most people in the room may not pick up on it directly, but when you don’t speak confidently it definitely affects how you are perceived. It sets you on an uneven playing field and contributes to the unconscious bias against women.
Being aware of these tendencies is the first step to changing them. I can’t tell you how often I practice conversations in my head on the car ride to work, or visualize how I am going to present myself in an important meeting. By being hyperaware of how you project yourself, you can avoid letting any of that internal self-doubt (that we ALL have from time to time) become external. Just remember, confidence is practiced.
