I know first-hand the demands that motherhood places on all women, and the unique challenges it presents to women who work outside the home. I returned to my career as a nurse just six weeks after the birth of my first child, but on a part-time basis. With my second child, I also returned to work with a reduced schedule and with my third, returned immediately to full time. In all instances, I felt rushed to jump back in before I was ready. Far too often women feel that they must choose between successful careers and motherhood, and either sacrifice time with their young children or drop out of the workforce entirely.
According to the Harvard Business Review, 43% of highly-qualified women with children are leaving careers or taking a career break. In another recent story by The New York Times,The Costs of Motherhood Are Rising, and Catching Women Off Guard, the author notes that despite earning more college degrees than men, entering jobs previously closed to them and delaying marriage and childbirth, women age 25 to 54 who work is about the same as it was in 1995. To me, this all points to an urgent need to make the balancing act more achievable as well as make sure we’re not penalizing women for stepping out for a time.
I recently sat down with CHOP’s AVP of Board Relations and my Chief of Staff, Ellen Dean, to discuss her experience of leaving the workforce, twice. Below is a summary of our conversation.
MB: What drove your decision to leave the workplace for a time? Did you intend on returning?
ED: When I first left the workforce, my children were three-and-a-half and one. My husband was traveling a lot for his job and I was feeling extremely overwhelmed trying to balance work and motherhood. There were very few female mentors for me at the firm where I worked after law school, and certainly none in leadership roles. And there was most definitely no option for part time or flexible work arrangements. So seeing all that made it very hard for me to understand how I could even begin to think about juggling that type of career and a family. Iknew in my heart that I had reached a juncture when I had to make a decision. The choice that was right for me at the time, for a variety of reasons, was to step away and focus on my family. I was very fortunate that my husband fully supported that decision and that he was willing to shoulder the burden of supporting us financially. I always intended to go back to work when the timing was right for everyone, which I eventually did when the kids were a bit older. When my kids were in high school I again started to feel the tug of not being able to adequately juggle everything. At that point I was in a very demanding and consuming full time + job that left me with little energy or time to really focus on my family. I was desperately afraid that I was going to blink and realize that I had missed important milestones in their lives and that I would regret not having been more present with them. I again made the decision to step away for a while – but I always intended to return to work when my youngest child left for college.
MB: What were some of your fears leading up to that decision? Was it clear-cut?
ED:I think my fears were the same ones that all women contemplating this type of decision feel. I worried about the impact of losing our second income, about not feeling fulfilled being at home, about not having enough stimulating adult interactions and a clear routine, about what my friends and family would think about my choice, and about not being able to get another job when I was ready to jump back in. In both instances my decisions were not clear-cut and took a lot of soul searching and mental back and forth before I could really articulate what I wanted to do and why.
MB: Did you find it difficult to re-enter the workplace?
ED: Despite all of my fear and anxiety about finding a way back in, re-entering not once, but twice, was much easier than I expected it to be. Having a large network of people to reach out to was extremely helpful in terms of identifying opportunities and opening doors for constructive conversations. However, when I told people that my intention was to go back to work as soon as my youngest left for college, many of them laughed and said “good luck making that happen” or “things don’t always work like that you know.” I started networking and talking to people about nine months before my daughter was going to leave for college and I went into my job search with the benefit of having had time to clearly define what I was looking for and enough self-confidence to know that I could bring value to an organization and that I wasn’t going to settle for something that didn’t really excite me. I got my offer from CHOP and started my job two months before she left for school!
MB: How does it feel to be back in the workplace? What did you learn?
ED: I am thrilled to be back at work and I am extremely grateful that I didn’t just get any job – I truly got my dream job. As an employee I always gave 100% to whatever I was doing, but it feels very different to me now that I am not trying to juggle different priorities. I think the most important thing I learned is that there isn’t one path for everyone. We all have to make decisions that work best for us and, as women, we need to be supportive of each other. While Sheryl Sandberg encourages everyone to Lean In, we also need to understand and accept that Leaning Out is an equally acceptable option for many of us. I also learned that it is possible to lean back in once you’ve leaned out for a while.
MB: What would be your advice to women who are mid-career, but are feeling the pressures of work-life balance and might be interested in taking a pause to prioritize other things?
ED: The first thing I would suggest is that they speak with their employer to see if any options exist for alternative work arrangements that might provide more flexibility. While I know that this won’t always be possible, I think that there are a lot more employers who are open to these arrangements than there were even 10 or 15 years ago. If a flexible schedule isn’t an option, or if someone is committed to taking a pause like I did, then I would encourage them to find ways to continue developing their skill sets while they are out of the workforce – through volunteering, working on projects, or consulting. And, lastly, I would highly recommend that they keep in touch with their co-workers, bosses, mentors and other professional connections so that they have a network of people to reach out to when they are ready to go back to work.
Thank you to Ellen for taking the time to share her story. How do you think we can better support women so that taking a break isn’t a career death sentence? How should we advise women to be strategic in how they take that time off, so that returning isn’t impossible and that they’re not unemployable? One thing is for certain – having more women in leadership positions will go a long way in pushing this conversation forward.
I’m in the privileged position of being able to share advice and mentor other women. It’s something I love doing; something I think is so important to help ensure there are more women leaders. While I enjoy being in this role, it’s so nice when the tables are turned, when I get to meet women who have helped paved the roads to equality before me.
A few weeks ago, I was able to sit down with two local women who inspire me – Suzanne Roberts, an award-winning actress, director, producer and television host, and Dr. Lucy Rorke-Adams, a pioneer in the field of neuropathology. These two women have had extraordinarily different career paths and life stories, but I discovered a common thread that I felt compelled to write about: let’s call it relentless curiosity. Both are going strong at ages 97 and 89 respectively, continuing to pursue passions and contribute to the world.
Suzanne Roberts, who was married to the late Ralph Roberts (founder and CEO of Comcast), has reinvented herself over and over again. Beginning her career as an actress, Suzanne went on to create groundbreaking political television programming which resulted in her book, The Candidate and Television, a guide on how both political parties could utilize the new medium of television. This was during a time when few women were working outside the home, much less leading the way in a new field of communication. She received international recognition for her landmark psychotherapy work with Navajo children, which led to a documentary film, Discoveries in Communication, and worldwide lectures to governmental and medical institutions. For the past 15 years, Suzanne has served as an Emmy Award-winning creator and host of Seeking Solutions with Suzanne, a nationally broadcast weekly informational show targeted to an older adult audience (to reiterate: she decided to create, produce and host a weekly television show when she was 80-years-old!).
I was recently interviewed for her show, and was in awe of this woman; 97-years-old and she sat in front of me, beautifully dressed, thoroughly prepared for the interview, and never missed a beat as she worked with her production staff to create a compelling episode of television. After she interviewed me, I reversed our roles and asked her a few questions of my own. I wanted to know what motivated her, how she was able to stay so driven in her later years. She seemed almost perplexed by the question, seemingly unaware that how she spends her days is not typical for a woman of her age. After a moment she replied, “Well what else would I do? Sit at home and lunch with the ladies? That’s never been my interest.” When I asked her what advice she would give younger women who hope to be as engaged and passionate as she is in their nineties, she spoke about desire. She knew what she wanted, and simply followed those desires. She described what stood out to me as an insatiable interest in the world – an ambition to meet new people and learn new things every day. She knew what she wanted, and she didn’t let anything stand in her way; not her gender, her age nor expectations of what she should be doing with her time. I couldn’t help but leave the interview feeling hopeful and optimistic for what life may hold for me in my next chapters.
I’ve known Dr. Lucy Rorke-Adams for many years and she’s always been a hero of mine. As a colleague at CHOP (she retired after 50 years with the hospital at age 86), I’ve been aware of her innumerable contributions to the field of pediatric neuropathology. I’ve also gotten to know her as a person, and been inspired by her innate leadership abilities. I saw down with her last month for my podcast, Breaking Through with Madeline Bell, to dig a little deeper into what has motivated her all of these years. Much to my surprise, there were many similarities to what I heard from Suzanne Roberts the day before.
Lucy originally wanted to be an opera singer until her out-of-town audition with a Metropolitan Opera mezzo-soprano was cancelled when the singer took sick. Shifting gears, she started as a clinical psychologist and worked evenings in a psychology clinic while earning her medical degree from the University of Minnesota. There were ten women in her cohort, with five making it through the entire program. While Lucy is adamant that her gender never held her back, she did recall going to meet with the Chief of Neurosurgery during her residency, expressing an interest in the specialty. He told her, “You’ll starve to death if you follow that course. No one will send a patient to a woman neurosurgeon.”
She landed on the subspecialty of neuropathology – a relatively under-researched field at the time. She read the available literature on the malformations of children’s brains (most of which was in German – but surprise, surprise, she just happened to be able to read German!) and found little answers to the causes of these malformations. Her work now informs everything we do today in our research on the brains of babies and children. It is no understatement to call her a living legend. She has held various leadership roles, including being the first female president of Philadelphia General Hospital’s medical staff, acting chair of Pathology at CHOP, president of the American Association of Neuropathology, president of the medical staff at CHOP, and unexpectedly helped run the Hospital for 18 months starting in 1986 during an extended search for a chief executive officer. These were not positions Lucy sought out, but fell into because those around her saw her leadership qualities, her extreme capabilities and her brilliance.
There is one anecdote about Lucy that I think aptly describes just why I admire her so much. After her retirement at age 86, she thought a nice post-career hobby was studying Astronomy –not knitting, not playing cards, not even traveling, but learning a new, complex field of science. When the light pollution near her home threated her new passion, she quickly shifted gears. Since then she has poured all of her energy into a foundation that her husband established in 1999, focused on training high school teachers and students in math, physics, chemistry and biology. She recognizes that Americans are falling behind in science, and is laser-focused on improving the education in these STEM subjects.
In an era when we are (rightfully) hyper-aware of the lingering inequalities between men and women, it’s both refreshing and inspiring to see two women who never let their gender hold them back. Both Suzanne and Lucy developed their own unique passions and simply forged ahead despite not having many other women’s examples to follow. I believe their relentless curiosity is a quality we can all cultivate. If we stay open to the world, to ourselves and what we want to accomplish, our lives don’t have to end after retirement. This is a skill I will continue to build, so that when the day comes to reinvent myself, my next passion will be clear.
When I am asked about my career journey, I often tell people that the continuous theme has been saying yes to every opportunity, even when it has been outside of my comfort zone. When someone offers you the chance to do something new, even if you’re not 100% comfortable, just say yes. Find a way to get yourself up to speed and transition to the new challenge. There are many ways you can do that, either by coaching, peer mentoring, reading relevant articles and books and networking with people who are experts. Two resources that have been particularly helpful for me have beenThe Leader’s Edge, an executive coaching and consulting firm that helps women expand their leadership skills, and Barbara Pachter ofPachter & Associates, one of the world’s leading experts on business etiquette and communication.
Years ago, when I was Vice President of Clinical and Family Services, I was asked to take over revenue cycle management. I did not feel confident in my knowledge of this area, and had no technical skills to rely on, but knew it was an opportunity for me to learn another side of the healthcare business. I said yes. My next step was to find people more senior to help me learn. I read a lot, talked to people in the departments that made up revenue cycle, and worked hard to get myself up to speed. Eventually, I became more confident over the course of several years. When I took on this new responsibility however, it did not come without sacrifice. I had to give up a few other departments that I was managing, and it was some of the work that I loved most about my job. But I knew that I wanted to get out of my comfort zone, and so I traded that for a new challenge.
I continually give this advice to women I mentor, but I also continue to live it myself. I was recently offered the great honor of joining theComcast Corporate Board. Although it was certainly a goal of mine to join a corporate board, I did not expect the opportunity at this point in my career. I worried that perhaps taking on this new challenge while simultaneously getting up to speed as CEO of CHOP was too much to take on. But I’ve spent my entire career in non-profits, so this is an excellent chance to get out of my comfort zone. I don’t have a background in the technology, communications, or entertainment business but I believe that by studying, talking to experts, and finding someone on the board to mentor me that I’ll be able to bring important learnings back to my organization while growing my own competencies.
Additionally, I’ve learned that leadership skills can often transcend technical and industry experience. As I was reading through Comcast materials, I started to realize many of the general concepts were similar, and began to feel like I will be able to use my skills and leadership abilities as a former COO to bring value to the board. I think often times, women don’t give themselves credit for what they bring to the table outside of technical skills. You don’t have to be proficient in something to take it on, in fact you should always be pushing yourself to do not just the things that you’re familiar with. That’s what stepping outside of your comfort zone is all about. I’m truly grateful for this next challenge, and I applaud Comcast for adding another woman to their board.
I recently suggested to a woman I’m mentoring that she identify 3 areas in her work that are intriguing to her that she doesn’t already know about. I said she should find people to talk to and learn from, and then tell them she’d be interested in any openings that may come up. It can be hard to take on more, but I’ve always found that you can find bandwidth by delegating to other people. Why trade something you are great at and may love for something you know nothing about? It’s all about gaining experience and perspective. When you’re feeling unsure, just remember that in a year or two you will know this new area, and it will be a part of who you are and what makes you effective in your job. It can be hard to know your own potential, and by stepping into area that you are not comfortable with you ultimately learn what you’re capable of, which is the ultimate confidence booster.
