For most women, the op-ed by The Wall Street Journal’s Joseph Epstein represents something that’s all too familiar. Without giving it too much more air time, his general argument was that Dr. Jill Biden should consider dropping the “Dr.” from her title since she is not a medical doctor. He goes on to mock her dissertation on “Student Retention at the Community College” Level: Meeting Students’ Needs,” and suggests that her title feels “fraudulent” and “comic.” The condescension, the defense that his argument was directed at both men and women, and the clear disdain for ambitious and accomplished women is something women have dealt with — and continue to deal with — for years.
There has been much fury over the decision by the Wall Street Journal to publish this, and many have rushed to Dr. Biden’s defense. However, there are many women who deal with this type of attitude that don’t benefit from national outrage and begin to internalize these sexist attempts to diminish our accomplishments. Often, they are less egregious and less public than this op-ed, but nevertheless, common and real.
I will never forget the time when I was excited to meet a well-known elected official. I was introduced as the President of my organization. The person responded – you are too young and pretty to be President. I felt my face get red, luckily it was an evening event in a dark room. I was left speechless and simply shook his hand. I walked away feeling as though I did not “own the role.” But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was his problem, not mine. Unfortunately, he is in a position of power and has the ability to make decisions about women and their careers. This incident happened before the # MeToo movement and I often wonder whether that same person would be more aware of how he speaks about women leaders now.
In the words of Michelle Obama (who defended Dr. Biden in a recent Instagram post), “We’re all seeing what also happens to so many professional women, whether their titles are Dr., Ms., Mrs., or even First Lady: All too often our accomplishments are met with skepticism, even derision. We’re doubted by those who choose the weakness of ridicule over the strength of respect. And yet somehow, their words can stick — after decades of work, we’re forced to prove ourselves all over again.”
Indeed, their words can stick. So my message to any woman reading this today is that next time your accomplishments, whether personal or professional, are belittled, ridiculed or diminished, remember that that is a sign of their weakness. You are not an imposter and there are many people out there who see your hard work and respect it. Tell another woman about your experience, commiserate together, and then commit yourselves to speaking out loudly when you see it being done to other women.
As someone who takes goal-setting seriously, I enjoy looking back on the year, assessing progress I’ve made and looking ahead to all that I still want to do. While long lists of New Year’s resolutions often set you up for failure, I prefer to focus on one professional and one personal goal for the next year. I’m sharing mine below, but I’d also love to hear from you. Reading your comments helps me learn what’s important to you, and to get new ideas for topics to cover on this blog.
My 2020 Goals:
Personal: Take a few minutes each day to meditate.
Professional: Double my efforts to make connections with and listen to front-line staff.
My Favorite Posts from 2019:
Knowing Your Bandwidth
I began thinking about this post a few weeks ago, on a typical Sunday evening. My husband Lou and I had been traveling and we’d just returned home. I intended to use the evening to get the kitchen ready for our remodel that was about to begin, pack up everything that needed to be moved, complete the rest of my New Years cards and get ready for the week ahead. As I began this work, he became frustrated; “Madeline, you have an endless supply of bandwidth, and you have to remember that I do not.” READ MORE
2. The Upside of Vulnerability
We live in a culture with an ever-increasing focus on perfection. Whether it’s at home or in the workplace, we put so much pressure on ourselves to do everything, and do it perfectly. At work, the idea of always being over-prepared, with no question you can’t answer and nothing you haven’t thought of is likely appealing. However, this masks one of our most powerful tools as a leader – vulnerability. READ MORE
3. Developing Our Successors, Millennial Women in the Workplace
I am passionate about sharing advice for young women looking to advance their careers, especially for those looking towards the C-Suite. I offer suggestions on everything from taking stretch assignments and negotiating raises, to adjusting bad speech habits and dressing like a leader. However, I sometimes wonder if we’re expecting younger generations to conform to our workplace norms at the expense of truly letting their unique priorities and values shine through? READ MORE
4. Unlearning the Lessons of Charm School
There is nothing more rejuvenating than spending an evening out with close female friends. The camaraderie, support and laughter that accompanies these types of friendships is, in my opinion, an essential part of mental health. I recently had dinner with my two closest friends; women I can share anything and everything with, and with whom I can truly be myself. We talk about our common experience of having our children get married and laugh about how men (and specifically, our husbands!) need to find “man friends” (why do women seem to be so much better at recognizing the essential nature of supportive friendships!?) READ
5. Developing Helping Relationships, Making the Most of Your Networks
With the growth of social media platforms such as LinkedIn and endless other networking groups, we’ve seen a significant increase in our personal and professional networks. Just think about your connections. Now, think about how many of those people you actually know. How many of them could you help you advance your career or make a meaningful business connections? How many of them could you truly ask for a favor or an introduction? Probably not many. I think it’s important to learn how to develop more “surface-level relationships” into more meaningful relationships that can help us meet our personal and professional goals. READ MORE
Wishing you all a happy and healthy 2020 – please leave me a comment below and tell me what you’d like to read on the blog on the next year.
During my years at CHOP, I have received wonderful advice from managers and colleagues that has helped me advance my career in ways I never imagined possible when I was starting out as a young nurse. I strongly believe the most important part of my job is to develop future leaders. While many of these posts tackle specific challenges or topics, there are a few key lessons I’ve learned that stand out in my years of experience. Here are my top three pieces of advice no matter where you are in your career.
Don’t take a job for the title. Many people think that a certain title will give them credibility. In fact, your influencing skills – that is, your ability to gain support and “followership” from the people who will be affected by a decision – are far more important than your title. Your influencing skills, not necessarily a title, will help you get things done. Start practicing this no matter what your current title is.
Work for a place that you believe in. To be successful in your career, it’s important to work for a place that reflects your own values. One of CHOP’s biggest strengths is that we have a workforce that is inspired by our mission and values. Having a team made up of employees who share a sense of mission and purpose makes us much more effective as a team. Ask yourself some tough questions, and if you don’t truly believe in the mission, leaders, or goals of your company or organization, start looking for what might be a better fit.
Take on “stretch” assignments. Ask to take on a project you don’t feel entirely prepared for – even if the idea scares you. You will find your biggest opportunities for growth when you step outside your comfort zone. Pay close attention in meetings – is there an issue that keeps coming up that no one seems to be tackling? Suggest to your boss that you work on solving it. Even if you don’t have an idea for a certain project, let your boss know that you’re looking for an extra challenge (just make sure you are doing A+ work in all of your current responsibilities!)
If you’ve received a particularly helpful piece of career advice from a friend, colleague or mentor, I would love to hear it!
In my role, I’m fortunate to meet so many inspiring women. Part of the purpose of this blog is to share those experiences with a larger audience so that you can be a part of the conversations I’m having with other women leaders. One such woman is Lynn Yeakel, the Director of Drexel University College of Medicine’s Institute for Women’s Health and Leadership, and the founder and president of Vision 2020, a national, non-partisan women’s equality initiative with a particular focus on the year 2020, the 100th anniversary of women’s right to vote. Lynn has had an incredible career; she was a founder of Women’s Way, the first and largest women’s fundraising coalition in the nation, and served as its CEO from 1980 until 1992, when she ran for the U.S. Senate, drawing national attention, winning the primary and nearly unseating the longtime incumbent, Arlen Specter. In 1994, she was appointed by President Clinton to the position of Mid-Atlantic Regional Director for the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. She’s a published author and has been recognized with numerous honors and awards for leadership and humanitarian contributions.
I recently had the pleasure of listening to Lynn speak at an event for Women’s History Month, and knew I had to hear more from her. She was gracious enough to share her thoughts with me and my daughter-in-law, Kaitlin, on the state of gender equality and women’s leadership.
MB:
Something I heard you say really caught my attention: “We need to think and act like the majority that we are.” Can you expand on that and offer some practical advice for women on how they can go about thinking and acting like the majority?
LY:
You know, I say that all the time, and you’re the only person to ever ask me this. After my loss in the national elections in 1992, I was speaking in Scranton trying to cheer people up, and I said, we really need to think and act like the majority we are – there are MORE of us. I heard from so many women during that race that told me they’d never registered to vote, never bothered to vote because they’d never seen a candidate that represents their point of view. I really learned that if we can stand together as women, we can change things.
In that statement there are two verbs – THINKING and ACTING. Thinking really means claiming our equality and power. I think it’s important that we identify by our gender first, then by race or religion. By aligning together as women, we are so much more powerful. If I had one goal in life, it would be this – helping women unite together around our common values, goals and concerns. This was a huge challenge in the women’s suffrage movement, and still is today.
The acting part refers to helping each other as women. I remember interviewing a woman once who had been out of the workforce for many years, staying home and raising her children. She was talking herself down, saying things like, “well, I’ve just been staying home with my kids, I haven’t had any work experience in a long time.” I immediately recognized the leadership skills it takes to be the CEO of your household, and knew they were transferable to the job. Women in the position to hire other women will see this – I’m not sure if men would. We need to help each other when we’re in the position to do so.
Another key element to acting like the majority we are is being civically engaged. One in three women didn’t vote in the 2016 election. Many aren’t even registered (in fact, that’s one of our biggest goals of the Vision 2020 initiative). It’s so important that women be informed about politics AND that they support women who are running – write checks! So many women struggle with embracing our worth, and women candidates in particular tend to have more trouble asking for money – we need to fund the women we believe in.
MB:
Have you noticed any generational difference when it comes to thinking and acting like the majority? Given that you interact with so many young women at Drexel, what do they say to you when you make that statement?
LY:
When we launched Vision 2020 in 2010, we asked students in Drexel’s College of Media Arts & Design to interview women and men on the streets of Philadelphia and ask if they thought men and women were equal. There was a video clip of one young woman in her late 20’s, who thought for a minute and said, “yes, until they have children.”
My daughter is a lawyer and she decided to work part-time from home after having two, and then three, children. It never really hit her what I was talking about all these years, until she experienced motherhood. I think there are still so many structural challenges women face after they become caregivers that keep discrimination and gender inequality present in our culture. When I was growing up, it never occurred to me that there was gender discrimination, until I started searching for a job. I had been surrounded by strong women and discovering that was one of the most frustrating and humiliating things I’ve ever dealt with. I think in general, times are better for women, but these issues still exist.
MB:
I know you’ve run for elected office in both Senate and Gubernatorial races; what’s your reaction to the change in Congress in the 2018 midterm election? What did running for elected office teach you, if anything, about the way people react to a woman advocating for herself to hold a leadership position?
LY:
I think it’s fantastic that we have so many more women in Congress now. I want to see these women be able to DO things. Changing things takes time, and the guardians of the status quo will always be there – people who have power and don’t want to share it. I’m glad that Nancy Pelosi is showing great leadership to the newer generation.
I have observed that women and men often have different motivations for running for office. Often, men want to be in control and have power. Women for the most part, have a mission, something they want to change or do. In fact, I saw running as a huge personal sacrifice. It was so hard on my family and I was treated totally differently than my male opponent by the media – when they covered me, they described my clothes, jewelry or haircut. Interestingly, I was also often defined by the men in my life. There was something in my father’s voting record that ended up hurting me, my husband’s membership in a golf club that lacked diversity, and a sermon my church pastor gave about his experience in Israel – things that had nothing to do with me or my campaign were used to define me in negative ways. How often do we see male candidates get defined by the actions or activities of their sisters, wives or mothers?
Bill Bradley from New Jersey was in the Senate at the time – he campaigned with me a number of times and talked about the fact that he had been a basketball player before he ran for the Senate and got elected. He didn’t know why he was accepted, while my experience, having run a non-profit organization, somehow wasn’t relevant to hold office. Politics is always nasty, but especially so at that time for women candidates.
MB:
You’ve had an incredibly long and successful track record in advocating on behalf of women and fighting for increasing the number of women in leadership roles across all aspects of American life – where do you think we are still falling short, and how can we continue to address it?
LY:
I actually loved a comment you made when I heard you speak, Madeline, citing the statistic that even though women make up the vast majority of healthcare employees, only 3% of healthcare CEOs are women. I use that in talks all the time now, because I think it illuminates one of our biggest challenges. We need more women in policy making and decision-making roles. I think a great example of what happens when women are in charge is the “Take 2” initiative from Mary Barra, Chairman and CEO of General Motors. It’s a job re-entry program, addressing the issue of “experienced female STEM talent – particularly women – who have taken extended leaves of absence from employment to care for children, aging/disabled parents or other personal needs and are now ready, but uncertain, how to successfully return to the workforce.” That’s why women’s leadership matters and is a great example of a woman in leadership actually doing something to help other women.
MB:
Your first book, A Will and a Way, is described as presenting “insights into the key issues of women’s independence based on your own experience and lessons from history.” What do you see as the biggest challenges to women’s independence today, and in what ways do you think women still give up their independence that are detrimental to their power, happiness and self-advancement?
This is totally still a problem. I mostly see it in terms of economics, and sadly so many women in newer generations have fallen into the trap of so many women of my generation. You have to have your own checking account! I’m so grateful that my parents taught me the importance of having my own economic independence – and to keep it and sustain it. They made me take a typing class when I was young, emphasizing that I needed a skill to be able to get a job. I really give them huge credit – that was so far ahead of their time to teach their daughter that. I firmly believe that a man is not a financial plan – it wasn’t then, and it isn’t now.
MB:
What are you most optimistic about right now? What are you most concerned about?
LY:
I’m really optimistic about all the women stepping forward to lead, both in politics and business, and the efforts I see among women to help each other get on boards and other leadership positions. I also feel that civic engagement is increasing. I want to see these women do concrete things that clearly contribute to women’s opportunities for success.
What worries me most is that when it comes to the matter of gender equality, our history has always been two steps forward, three steps back. There has always been a backlash when women make progress, and I don’t want the newer generation of women to take it for granted that things are going to be fine because more women are getting into leadership roles. We can’t back down or slow down.
MB:
What key pieces of advice could you leave our readers with – women from all walks of life who care about advancing women in the workplace, based on your lifelong experience in leadership positions?
LY:
I love the line in Thelma and Louise – “you get what you settle for.” Don’t settle for less than you deserve. That means whether it’s a job, a relationship, anything that doesn’t satisfy you. You’re entitled to your own life and far too often women settle. Also, let’s pay attention to how we’re raising our future generations of women. Gender pay inequity starts so young – little boys mow the lawn, walk the dogs and other paid work. Girls do laundry, wash the dishes, and other types of unpaid domestic labor. We need to teach girls to value their worth early on.
Finally, and this is really important to me – I care deeply about men being a part of the solution. My father was my role model, I’ve been married many years, and I have a son who I’m very proud of and I have four grandsons. For shared leadership to work, men have to be involved and see it as a benefit. I believe we are women and men by chance, we’re sisters and brothers by choice. Thank you to Lynn for her time. Be sure to check out Vision 2020 for information and ways to get involved in Women 100: A Celebration of American Women, Vision 2020’s year-long commemoration of the 100th anniversary of the passage of the 19th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.
Vul·ner·a·bil·i·ty [noun] The quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.
We live in a culture with an ever-increasing focus on perfection. Whether it’s at home or in the workplace, we put so much pressure on ourselves to do everything, and do it perfectly. At work, the idea of always being over-prepared, with no question you can’t answer and nothing you haven’t thought of is likely appealing. However, this masks one of our most powerful tools as a leader – vulnerability.
The act of admitting you don’t have all the answers comes with risk. Show too much vulnerability and you lose people’s confidence, too little and you appear cold and intimidating. I’m currently mentoring a woman who holds a very high-level position at one of the world’s largest companies, and we’ve been discussing this topic frequently. She, like many women, feels like she can never say, “I don’t know” without appearing unprepared or unqualified. I believe this habit can backfire, and what you’re really showing is that you have no vulnerabilities, which has consequences for both your relationship with your manager, as well as with those you manage. But how do you find that sweet spot between showing vulnerability, and feeling exposed?
Vulnerability and Managing Up
When I first began in the CEO role, I was very concerned with feeling in command of any situation; particularly in meetings with our Board. I wanted to go in having all the answers and be five steps ahead of anything they might want or need. After a few years, I’ve learned to say “I don’t feel comfortable with that subject matter, but I can find an expert to help me get up to speed,” or, “I haven’t worked with my team on this topic yet, but I’ll get back to you.” I realized over time, that they’re okay with those responses. In fact, I believe they trust me more, knowing that I’ll always admit if I don’t know something.
When showing vulnerability however, you must also instill confidence that you are taking action to find the answers you don’t currently have. I was recently in a meeting, and one of my colleagues shared a struggle he was having with turnover on his team. Those in the meeting left feeling worried that there was a crisis looming. The error he made was not closing with something along the lines of, “but I’m confident that we will identify solutions to this problem before our next meeting” or laying out the concrete steps he was taking to fix the problem.
The key here, whether you’re speaking to your Board or your manager, is making sure to always close the loop. Admit what you don’t know, find the answers, and follow up.
Vulnerability and Managing Down
I’ve been working hard lately to show vulnerability when managing down – it’s important to me to show people I’m not perfect. I realized that CHOP has a culture of perfection (due to the nature of our work, it’s a necessity), but I make an effort to talk about mistakes I’ve made and how I’ve learned from them. Every year, I teach a class for the Philadelphia Academy of School Leaders, and I discuss how to be more relatable to those who work for you. The example I give most often is how in the past, I’ve made some big hiring mistakes, then not acted quickly enough to let them move on. When talking about these miscalculations, I focus on the lessons I learned, which I hope gives people permission to take risks and learn from their mistakes, as opposed to being “perfect.” Additionally, I believe that the vulnerability I show in admitting fault makes me more relatable. Leaders should model and emphasize progress over perfection, while encouraging their employees to make sure they know how to navigate the path to get the answers they need when they don’t have them.
Whether you are managing up or managing down, the incredible power of vulnerability is something that can transform a workplace culture, bring people together, and eventually, lead to increased accountability. It’s a topic we need to see leaders become more comfortable discussing and addressing among their teams.
With having just celebrated another International Women’s Day, I wanted to write about a topic of key importance to elevating women – not just in the workplace, but in society as a whole. There is almost no issue more important to achieving the equality, security and advancement we seek than financial literacy. Eight in 10 women will be independently responsible for their financial well-being at one point in their lives. We are living longer, and half of all marriages are still ending in divorce.
Despite this, 56% of women are leaving investment decisions to their husbands – Millennial women at an even higher rate. What’s more surprising still, even in homes where women are the breadwinner, 43% still leave major financial decisions to their husbands. We are more educated than ever, holding more leadership positions and have access to more information than ever before, so why are we giving up our financial power at alarming rates? I decided to speak with my friend Binney Wietlisbach, President of The Haverford Trust Company, to offer some advice and insight to women who want to take a more active role in their financial security.
MB:
Binney, I know your career is about more to you than just managing wealth – can you talk about the personal experience you’ve had that led you to passionately promote women taking a more active role in their finances?
BW:
I was always a numbers person, and I loved working with people, so the financial industry was a great fit for me. However, I watched my mother end up in a difficult situation because she spent much of her life taking a passive role in her personal finances. She was fortunate enough to be born into a family of privilege and was a very smart woman. In boarding school, she was among the top 1 percent in mathematics before going on to Bryn Mawr College, getting married and starting a family. She eventually became the beneficiary of a family trust. After her second marriage, her then-husband moved us all to a community-property state that entitled him to her assets. The marriage ended in divorce and he abandoned his two small children from a previous marriage and left them in her care. Thanks to the trust, she was able to focus on taking care of us all without having to work, however it shocked me to receive a call from her 15 years later asking for my help. The income from her trust had dropped significantly over a 10-year period, and she was worried she could no longer keep her home, nor continue to put my two brothers through college. I learned that the trust officers had never even spoken to her in 18 years of managing her trust. It really opened my eyes to how easy it is for very intelligent women to end up financially illiterate.
MB:
I recently wrote a blog post about knowing your bandwidth, discussing how you can only be effective with so much on your plate. With many women working outside of the home, yet still handling the majority of household duties as well, it seems as though managing investments and long-term finances is delegated to one partner out of necessity – typically the man. Why do you think that is, and how can women think about this differently so that it doesn’t feel like just one more thing they have to be responsible for?
BW:
Chores, cooking and childcare can be split among two partners. I always tell men and women that managing your finances is not a responsibly you can abdicate. Both partners must be actively involved.
I think the biggest misconception about financial planning and management is that it’s something you have to dedicate time to each week or month. It can be as simple as being present at a meeting with your financial advisor; taking a look at your investments together at the end of each year; knowing how much you have and in what types of accounts. It doesn’t require an incredible amount of specialized knowledge to be involved. If I’m working with a family, I tell them up front that it’s not acceptable to be only meeting with one partner – I insist that both are always a part of the conversation. Any trusted advisor should not allow only one of the partners to be there.
MB:
What are some of the key things women should be doing or thinking about when it comes to their finances?
BW:
If I had to identify one thing that’s most important, I’d say make sure you’re participating in a 401k plan, or other retirement account. Beyond that, make sure you’re aware of how that money is being invested. There are many different options for how to invest; know how much is in stocks, bonds or cash. For example, your 401k may consist of what we call stable value funds – which offer almost no growth. For younger people with plenty of time before retirement, it is very likely that stable value funds won’t provide the level of growth needed to achieve their retirement goals. Although past performance is no guarantee of future results, and while the stock market is going to have the most volatility of any of the major asset classes, it’s historically been the only way you can outperform inflation over time. Knowing how you’re invested as a family is an important part of making educated financial choices.
I also recommend that women make sure they have a trusted team around them. That may be an experienced real estate professional, a financial planner, an accountant, an attorney – experts that you know have your best interest in mind. Sit down with these people, ask them questions, and if you feel unheard or demeaned in any way, they’re not the right fit for you. There are times in your life when you have to really pay special attention to your financial life – getting married, having children, divorce – and that is not when you want to be meeting your trusted advisors for the first time.
MB:
How can women take an active role to increase their financial literacy?
BW:
I go back to the idea of understanding where you’re invested.For example, not many people realize that employers must offer education on the retirement plans they offer, and on how to understand how your funds are invested. Go to your HR department and ask when the next time education will be offered.
Pay attention to what’s happening in the markets. You don’t have to get caught up in all of the hyperbole and hype, but be aware if there’s something going on that may affect you. Find publications that you can read quickly during any downtime – I like DailyWorth.com, an email newsletter subscription designed to help women manage their finances. Seek out events or education seminars when you can. At The Haverford Trust Company, we started a Speaker Series for Women.I felt it was a great way to help educate, empower and inspire the many women I see not taking an active role in the investment process. For the past eight years we’ve held events where women can learn, network and share ideas related to finances, investing and more . What it comes down to is simply taking the time to evaluate your assets and liabilities (like loans, credit card and other debt), and ask your partner to sit down and discuss your finances. That’s a great first step to building your financial literacy!
I hope that this conversation helps you to take an honest look at your own financial literacy, and if you’re not actively involved in your finances or are unaware of how you’re invested, that you’re inspired to act. Thank you to Binney for all of the work she does to help empower women to understand and manage their finances. I would also love to hear from all of you — do you consider yourself financially literate? How do you find the time to take an active role in your finances and investments? What are your biggest questions when it comes making decisions about your financial future?
Mrs. Binney Wietlisbach is the President of The Haverford Trust Company, and has been with the firm since 1992. Binney has worked in the financial services industry since 1985. She is a member of the Executive Committee, a voting member of the Investment Selection Committee, and a member of the Board of Directors of The Haverford Trust Company. She’s been recognized with numerous awards for her leadership and dedication to empowering other women.
