I often hear the term “fake it until you make it” – usually in relation to a woman who does not feel confident in her own abilities. In fact, I recently used that term when mentoring a young woman. She was hired by a new client who was really stretching her beyond her comfort zone. This new client was a nationally known brand and the stakes were higher than any client she had experienced working for in the past. She just did not feel that she had the depth of content knowledge or experience. Yet, the client had hired her as the expert.
She did all of the things that you would expect; researching and talking to others who had similar clients and challenges, but she still did not feel confident. As I was prepping her for a first meeting in New York City with her new client, I found myself saying, “just go there and be confident, don’t let your hesitance show to the client, just fake it till you make it.” What I really meant was, don’t let yourself defeat yourself. In the eyes of the client, you are the expert. Make sure you see YOURSELF as the expert too. Come into the room with a air of confidence, a command of the subject matter, reaffirm the problem to the client and turn to other experts on your team to provide the detail.
In reflecting on what I said to her, perhaps “fake it until you make it” led her to believe that she did not have the content knowledge, but she did. It simply meant that she needed to get the age-old foe of women, the imposter syndrome, out of her head. She was not faking anything, she had the right stuff, she just needed a bit of a confidence-booster.
I think you really nailed it here. “Fake it until you make it” sounds so inauthentic – and so when someone hears that phrase meant as encouragement, they may feel like they are “a fake.” Unfortunately, self confidence can lag behind “social confidence.” In other words, women can “step up to the plate” and have a “can do” attitude about embracing a challenge and achieving a goal, yet still have that niggling feeling of self doubt. Maybe they are honest in that they recognize their limitations and know they aren’t “perfect.” I wonder if your mentee (or you as her mentor) could ask those who see her as an expert to say a few words about what they have seen that makes them think that. It could be a reinforcing confidence booster. Thanks for sharing this story. It’s an important topic for helping to advance women.
Great story! Couldn’t agree more. I catch myself falling victim to at times. For me it is about being honest about the extent of my knowledge/experience. Once I catch my self doing this, I follow with the statement, “Just because I may not be an expert in this area now, doesn’t mean that I can’t be shortly as I am ambitious and a quick learner.”